You're jokes
What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.
What do visiting Goatman's Bridge and a bungee jumping accident have in common?
You hear a snap, and suddenly you're falling from a bridge.
Bill really said "your body, my choice," like, my man, it's your body, MY choice.
"You did great!"
"Come here and get your prize, a shiny quarter!"
"Nah, that's okay."
"Here's the quarterback."
"You don't want the quarter?"
"No! Quarterback!"
"Huh?"
(Crashes) (screams)
"Yo, sorry 'bout that."
"You think he's gonna be mad?"
"Who? Baldi?"
"Nah, he doesn't have a HAIR in the world!"
(Annoying Orange laughs) (Baldi groans)
Your mom is so fat that when she saw Moby Dick, she said, "We are family... even though you're bigger than me."
Your mom is so fat Thanos had to snap twice.
Jared from Subway. Remember kids, "tuna sub" backwards is what I'm going to do on your face.
Daddy bear said, "Somebody's been sleeping in my bed!"
Mummy bear said, "It was probably your whore, Linda!"
What joke do you tell an orphan?
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not your parents.
To RANDYYYY,
Hi Randy, this is ALYA. I don't want to fight with you. If you're an orphan and you do know about your past, you probably get sad, right? Well, these jokes just bring up the bad times for me.
-ALYA with love
How many homeless guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
“You’re telling me there’s change in a lightbulb?”
A friend texts to another:
"Hey." They reply, "What's up?"
The first friend then replies with a simple answer, "The sky!" But the other friend intervenes and says, "No, it's the ceiling!"
To then the first friend finishes the greeting with, "Unless you're homeless or six feet under."
Where do you take your pig to karate?
The pork chop class!
The teacher is asking you a question.
Teacher: "If your biggest dream came true, what would you be?"
Me: "Dead."
Your adopted.
Have you ever wondered why you never see a gay guy in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to become a vegetable when you’re already a fruit.
Grandma: Young people your age are married by now, why aren’t you?
Me: Old people your age are dead right now, why aren’t you?
You're so awesome that the word 'awesome' demanded its title back!
If you ever had your nipple ripped off by a possum, you might be a redneck...
Imagine someone leaving a cut-out of Jeff Bezos on your car after you found out your blind bf cheated on you, and the McDonald's employee says over the speaker, "Weren't expecting him to see other hoes were you?"