You're jokes
Your dad's penis was chopped off at the age of 2.
What do you call a best friend that smokes weed?
A pothead. Just because he's your friend, you don't have to support his poor decisions. Jeez, what has America come to?
I bet you eat your cereal with water because your dad never came back with the milk.
A teacher walked up to me and said, "How did we get butt cracks?"
I was like 4, so I said, "You had an earthquake on your booty."
Bootylicious lol
What excuse can you use if you find out your date is a rape victim and you don't want the baggage?
Say you've parked your car in a bad spot and are just going to move it, then move your car all the way back to your home address.
Your mother's hairline is sooooooo long cause Dora the Explorer could not explore it.
Three Europeans come to America. They are all captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a BANANA!!"
Hot shingles in your neighborhood wanting to get nailed.
Your dick is so small they thought you were a girl when you came into the world.
- I think you're EGGcellent.
+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.
- Really? Are you done yet?.
+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.
Your hairline's so ugly it made Michael Jackson lean back.
Kid: I don't want to go to the movies.
Mom: Shut your mouth and clean my room!
What does your dad's cock and Darryl's Savouries have in common?
I want them both in my mouth!
I thought a waitress said to me, "You're good looking." In fact, she was asking if I'd like some pudding.
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile. "May I help you?"
"I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the handjobs?"
"Yes," she purrs, "I am."
The man replies, "Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
When the husband said "Is your ass so big?" she said "Because I am holding my shit."
If you're going shopping at school, what color would I like to smell: True or False?
You're walking alone on a street when a person slaps you with a silk glove and runs away. As you watch them run, 2 cops are chasing them.
What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope? Stopping it with a shovel.
Your forehead's so big, NASA uses it to test satellite signals.