You're jokes
Q. What makes music on your hair?
A. A headband!
Bully: Oh, look at your shoes, look at your pants, look at your shirt, ay, ay, ay.
Me: Ding, ding, sing, oh, did you hear that? It's the elevator 'cause you're not on my level.
Bully: u_u ......
Crowd: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh
This lady has 2 parrots that only say one thing: "Hi, we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun?"
So she goes and tells her pastor. He responds with, "I have two parrots as well, they are always praying, and they have everything that a parrot needs to be a Christian. Maybe if we put our parrots together, mine will fix yours."
They proceed to do so, and the lady's parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun?" and the pastor's parrots reply with "Johnny, drop your beads and lift your heads, our prayers have been answered!"
A guy is talking to an Indian therapist.
He had a red dot, and the American thought it was from a sniper rifle and tackled him and said, "I thought the red dot on your head was from a sniper rifle!"
Two husbands walk into a bar.
The first one says, "My wife is an angel."
The second one says, "You're lucky, mine is still alive."
A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?"
She points off the cliff, and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside, all mangled and dead.
The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."
Tell your teacher this: "I passed a test that took 60 minutes. It wasn't your work, it wasn't my work, it was hour work!"
Knock knock. Who's there? Not your dad.
You know that feeling when you're going through a school parking lot and go over a speed bump, then you realize that there are no speed bumps?
When you wear a big hat and your butt starts to splat diarrhea!
What did one cheese say to the other cheese?
"Hello, it's a nice day, do you have any plans on what you're going to do?"... The other cheese was taken back by his politeness and friendliness, they agreed to meet again, and were soon married and lived happily ever after. Let this tale of the two cheeses inspire you to be a better person.
Remember: Alcohol doesn't solve your problems, but neither does milk or water.
Why is pounding your mom like playing video games?
Because once you start, you just can’t stop until you win!
Your momma is so fat that when she egged the Twin Towers, she threw a airplane on accident.
You're fat. Don't sugar coat it because you would probably eat that, too.
How do you get Wacko Jacko to come inside your shop? Have little boys' pants half off!
As a son, I like sports, and I watch sports with my mom. So one day, we were looking at football. My mom asked me who makes the most money. I said the quarterback.
My mom told me I'm going to get a quarterback as my new boyfriend, and it'll be your new stepfather. A week later, my mom went out. I came home, and I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said, "What's going on?" My mom said, "Look, my new boyfriend and new stepfather is the high school quarterback." My mom said, "See, mission accomplished." I said, "Yeah, job well done."
What comes to visit more often than your aunt? Your acne.
What happened when your parents dropped you off at the orphanage? They got sued for littering.
Q: What do you call a tsunami?
A: Your mom's water breaking.