You're jokes

Is it just me, or are you the prettiest person I've seen today?

There are times I miss you, that I wish I could remember where I hid your body.

My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.

If you read this, you lost your v card.

Hey, you person who's scrolling, please leave your HONEST opinion on life. Do you think "life sucks" or "eh, it's okay," etc.? It can be short; if you don't want to, then that's okay.

Bully: I'm going to hurt you so bad.

You: Well, your IQ is the same amount of teeth I'm about to knock out, so... you're so dumb that you don't even know how to do that.

And your IQ is 5.

I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.

Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.

Are you a bullet? 'Cause you're stuck in my head.

When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"

I'm not saying you're stupid.

But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, "Do not place over head!"

A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend says, "Where is your girlfriend?" The guy says, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week."

Can [I] ask your sister how you are going for Christmas? And [to clarify,] I have internet.

One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."

Why was the Pokemon under your bed? So it can Pikachu.

My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. Do you know what he said?

"Get your paws off!" 💩💩💩

What did the Alabama graduate say to the Tennessee graduate?

"Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order please?"

🎨🧑🏻‍🦰 day was that good fun day at home 🏠. I had to the earth and I love it when you get a home and walk walk home from school and walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home 🏠. Was your birthday 🎁? I did.

Mom: I was an orphan once. The kid: Oh, ok, idgaf. Mom: And you're gonna be too! :) The kid: Ok, idgaf- WAIT WHAT THE FU-

You're so trash that when I dropped you off, I got a ticket for littering.