You're

You're jokes

Child

    • The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in.

    Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whisper, "Hello."

    "Is your Mummy home?" he asked.

    "Yes," whispered the small voice.

    "May I talk with her?"

    The child whispered, "No."

    Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy there?"

    "Yes."

    "May I talk with him?"

    Again the small voice whispered, "No."

    Hoping there was someone with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anyone else there?"

    "Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

    Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

    "No, he's busy," whispered the child.

    "Busy doing what?"

    "Talking to the ambulancemen and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

    Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

    "A helicopter," answered the whispering voice.

    "What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

    Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."

    Alarmed, confused, and a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

    Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle..."Me!"

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    • Mother

    • My son said that bully needs a pounding, then I say, "Yeah, right, that is what I said and did to your mother." My son opens his mouth and freezes. I guess he knew what I was talking about.

    Priest

    • What’s the difference between a zit and a priest? The zit waits 'til you're 12 to cum on your face.

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    • You're memes

    Name

    • Teacher: "What's your name?"

    Student: "Hang on a second."

    10 seconds later:

    Teacher: "Is something wrong?"

    Student: "Hang on a second!"

    20 seconds later:

    Teacher: "Don't say a word!!!"

    Student: "Hang on a second!!!"

    Teacher: "Come here and tell me your name right now!!!"

    Student: "Hang on a second!"

    Teacher: "Don't call for help!!!"

    Student: "Just listen to me!"

    Teacher: "Go on, speak!"

    Student: "Hang on a second!"

    Teacher: "Don't push my patience; this is no joke!!! Tell me your name right now!"

    Student: "Hang on a second!!!"

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    • Monkey

    • If you're reading this right now, Then the joke's on you, Because I'm right behind ya, mothafucka!

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'm laughing because you look like a monkey.

    No, seriously,

    I'm right behind ya.

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    • Orphan

    • Teacher: "I used to be an orphan once."

    Student: "That’s sad."

    Teacher: "Anyways, who is away today?"

    Student: "Your parents."

    Dream

    • "Never gonna give, never gonna give (Give you up) We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching, but You're too shy to say it Inside, we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you." mucho_mango: just woke up from my dream what was that.

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    • Ugliness

    • You're so ugly that when you were born, your mother asked, "How does my little treasure look?", and the doctor replied, "I think we should bury it immediately."

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