You're jokes

Maybe your butt good? Maybe bad... I'M GOING TO LAUGH!

Donald Trump travels back in time to talk to his 10-year-old self.

When he sees himself, he says, "Do you see me? I am you, but almost 70 years older."

His 10-year-old self asks him, "Am I going to be famous?"

Trump replies, "Oh yeah, I became president of the United States. Not once. Twice!"

10-year-old Donald was shocked. But he became even more shocked when he heard the next sentence from his current self: "And now take off your pants!"

When your girl is sucking your dick and chokes on it, not because it’s big but because you haven’t washed it in weeks.

Dear Grad Parents,

Please pass the attached Commencement schedule on to your graduate(s). We ask that students arrive 15 minutes prior to their scheduled time and that they do not arrive early. Staff will greet the students outside the main entrance. Students may wear cap and gowns and/or formal wear.

There will be more information to follow in the coming days.

Thank you.

Your earlobes are so big, you can fit your mom inside of them 5000 times and still have room for more!

When your mom tells you to stop playing on the computer, you say, "Foot you!"

Had to go to the barbers just to get your hairline sorted.

You know chords, right? Well, you know what I love to do? To play with A-minor. You know, feel your fingers on A-minor. Gives you a sense of power, to just F A-minor.

But that's not my favorite thing to fiddle with. That would be the D of minors. It's just solid, you know. If you're clever you can have the D of minors into the C of minors. Or, though a bit tricky, the D of minors into the B of minors.

And at this point you've gotten the point and if I want to continue it would be a bit of a stretch.

Teacher: Tim, where are your parents? It's been 15 minutes!

Tim (Orphan): Yeah um, they can't come.

Teacher: Why not?

Tim: They're too busy working in heaven.

Me: "Hey, are your parents home?"

Orphan: "Stop calling here!"

Me in the corner.

My career is worth more than your adoption.

Your mum is gay; her name is Rachel.

What goes moo? Cow.

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Your hairline go so far back it remember the Civil War, ugly ahh.

Your mom is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas, and it's still printing.

The twin towers are like your father, they're both gone and will never come back.

Your hairline is so far back, it was in a different time zone on a flight with you.

You've got a body inside you. It's called your bones.

So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.

If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.

Pickup lines in 2022 are like: "Are you Russia? Because your bombs are so big!"