You're jokes
Little Johnny was living with his grandpa during the summer. Well, grandpa had a beer, and Johnny said, "Grandpa, let me get a sip of that." Grandpa said, "Well, lil Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And lil Johnny said, "Well no sir." And grandpa said, then no, you can't.
Later that day, papaw (grandpa) had a cigar, and Johnny said let me get a hit of that, and papaw asked, "Well, Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And Johnny said no again. Then papaw was shooting his gun, and Johnny asked if he could shoot it, and grandpa asked Johnny if his d**k reached his a**, and Johnny said no.
Well, after supper, Johnny's grandma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER), and grandpa said, "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream," and Johnny asked papaw, "Well, papaw, does your d**k reach your a**?" And papaw said, "Well, Johnny, as a matter of a fact, it does," and Johnny said, "Good, now go f**k yourself because you ain't getting none of my ice cream!"
Why did my foot cross the road?
Because your ass was on the other side.
A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.
She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”
The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”
The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”
One time the dog got bit by a snake, so my dad had to shoot it. My dad said to me, "This is what's going to happen to your little brother." "What little brother?" Exactly.
A friend texts to another:
"Hey." They reply, "What's up?"
The first friend then replies with a simple answer, "The sky!" But the other friend intervenes and says, "No, it's the ceiling!"
To then the first friend finishes the greeting with, "Unless you're homeless or six feet under."
i would do that
Your Mom so fat that she went on to commit suicide, but the roof fell off.....
How's your day going?
Shut up, I didn't ask.
Use code tiko#teamfish
When should you discourage your husband from exercising and dieting? When he wants to fit in your clothes!
Patient: Doctor, every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up. What's wrong with me?
Doctor: I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect.
Your mama is so ugly that when she walked in the bank, they had to turn off the cameras.
You're more uglier.
Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles, and lighten your burden."
Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."
Girl: "Well, that's because we aren't married yet!"
Tell your mom I don't like waiting in queues.
You look like you're playing hide-and-seek with your hairline.
Your classmate: You're so ugly.
Me: That's what your mom said when she had you and called you a mistake.
What's the hardest thing to do?
Not kill your siblings. (Put the knives away ">:)")
Who needs Singles Day when you're single for the rest of your life!
When your cousin dies and everybody thinks you're her.
FUCKING MENT
Your forehead so big it's got its own gravitational pull.
How do you know you’re at a gay church?
Half the congregation is kneeling.