You're jokes
A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain.
The email reads: "Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything [is] prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here!"
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you."
85% of us are good at school, while the other 15% is good at suicide.
(Teach me your ways, 15%.)
Rape, 9/11, abortion, orphan, murder, dead, kill, drugs.
What makes all these categories so familiar? Either you've experienced them, or made them up in your backstory.
Banker: I have the right to take your money!
Me: Check my name.
Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: *realizes*
Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.
1, 2 look at your shoes.
3, 4 they look better than yours.
5, 6 you have no friends.
7, 8 you look like a ape.
9, 10 don't you like men?
11, 12 hell naw I like females.
Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.
Students: Damn!
Teacher: Is anyone missing?
Students: Your parents!
Your hairline goes so far back that the History Channel made a show about it.
You're shorter than a thumbtack, like, boy, your auntie is probably taller than you.
Your so broke your mom can't afford your daddy.
Your hairline goes so far back, your mom is scared you're not going to make friends.
1, 2 you built like a dork.
3, 4 you got no girl, 4, 5 you're shorter than a remote.
If your daily is a Chevy, then your mom is super heavy.
Your hair goes so far back in time, even cavemen saw it!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Utah.
Utah who?
You're talking to me.
Anybody can use this :)
Slow and steady wins the race, but it won't fix your ugly face. 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣
What is your name? What am I pointing at? 👃🏽 And what am I holding? Hahaha!!!!! Knows nothing.
A man's daughter comes home from school and asks her dad if she can borrow the car.
The father replies, "No, it's too late at night."
The daughter says, "C'mon, Dad. I'll do anything."
The dad says, "OK, suck my dick."
The daughter says, "No, that's disgusting."
The dad says, "You want the car. You said you'll do anything."
The daughter agrees. Just as she is about to put her father's dick into her mouth, she stops and says, "Eww, Dad, your dick smells like shit."
The dad replies, "Yeah, well, your brother borrowed the car about an hour ago."
If you buy a Renault Megane, all your girls will be gone.
If you drive a Lamborghini, then you have a tiny weenie.