You're jokes
Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...
The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Your wife needs Jon Grudon, too.
Are you made of gold, titanium, sulfur, titanium, and carbon?
Cuz you’re looking a little big Au Ti S Ti C.
Bitches be like "you're racist." You're right, and I'm gonna win.
If you don’t like mowing your lawn, just get emo grass! It cuts itself!
What is the worst thing about your birthday being on September 11?
Party crashers.
Do you know the best thing about killing a hooker?
Not only do you get your money back, but the second hour is free.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your dad.
But my dad's dead.
I know, just reminding you!
At one point in your life, you were exactly pi years old.
So, you're into pronouns? Let me she/them titties.
A guy is talking to an Indian therapist.
He had a red dot, and the American thought it was from a sniper rifle and tackled him and said, "I thought the red dot on your head was from a sniper rifle!"
Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born the doctor slapped your grandma.
Yo mama is so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."
Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!
Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!
Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.
Your mama's so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.
Your parents are so proud of you. They LOVE you! <3
Your smile is so nice that the moon shines off them.
You're so wonderful that Wonderland booked tickets to meet you!