You're

You're jokes

Man

    • 3 men walk up to Indians, one American, one Muslim, and one African American. The Indians say, "We're all gonna kill you." One of the men asks why. The Indian says, "So we can use your skin to make kyanks." He also says, "Y'all decide how you die." The Muslim says, "I want to drown," so they drown him. The African American says, "Shoot me." And the American grabs a fork and starts poking himself everywhere, I mean everywhere. The Indian said, "What's the point of this?" and the American says, "F**k your kyanks."

  • 1

    • Sister

    • I told my sister that when you go to bed with an itchy butt, you're going to have smelly fingers in the morning, and I've never heard her laugh so hard in my life.

    Rose

    • Bf: "Roses are red, violets are blue, you're my bf and I luv you."

    Gf: "I luv u too."

    Bf: "But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, I heard you were cheating, I'll knock off your head."

    Gf: "Ah, about that..."

  • 8

    • Bird

    • My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.

    That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later, she died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

    Nut

    • Brother: Your nuts!

    Sister: What do you mean? You're the one that has the nuts!

    Gorilla

    • My girl asked me if I had seen a gorilla anywhere. I told her yes, I did see one a minute ago at the Central Park Zoo. He said if you don't behave, he will take you back to the jungle and have your ass abandoned for good.

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    • Nut

    • Warning: If you're planning to look here for jokes about the FOOD nuts, don't bother. It's filled with penis jokes.

  • 0

    • Funeral

    • When you're at a funeral and you laugh at the body... everyone stares, and one person said, "Isn't that your mom...?"

    Shirt

    • What did the undershirt say to the T-shirt when they were fighting?

    "If you don't shut up right now, you're gonna lose your shirt!!!"

    Get it?

    Time

    • You: Find a time clock that can change time.

    Your friend the next day: Hey, can I borrow yo' house?

    You: No, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME!

    Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again.

    Date

    • Son: Mom, can I get $100 for a week?

    Mom: Why do you need $100 for a week?

    Son: I'm going on a date, and I need $100 for a week, please.

    Mom: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Go on your date now. You got $1, so go.

    Son: And you got $0.00.

    Fat

    • A guy walks into a bar, he's like, "What's your number, lad?" and the woman is like, "298-777-fatso.com" and he walked home depressed.