You're jokes

Why can't you eat cereal?

Because your dad never came back from getting the milk!

You're so fat your ass has 2 zip codes.

Boy: "Mister, can I get candy?"

Mister: No, you shit head.

Boy: Why? :(

Mister: Because I'm not your dad.

If your hot dog taste like a piece of wood, who you gonna call?

GHOST MUSTERD

If your hot dog tastes like a piece of wood, who are you going to call?

"Ghost Musterd."

My Grandma, like any other, got an APPLE IPHONE 12, but as we all know, we get dumb, and so we buy a phone. My grandma did not even know how to use it. She even said, "How do I go on Google?" I told her, "YOU CAN'T!" My grandma was, like, "Yeah right, how do I do it?"

Comment down below, does your grandma do this?

My son said that bully needs a pounding, then I say, "Yeah, right, that is what I said and did to your mother." My son opens his mouth and freezes. I guess he knew what I was talking about.

How do you know your sister is on her period? Your dad's c**k tastes like s**t!

So, an orphan walked into a store. He gets lost and the store clerk asked, "Do you need help finding your parent?" and the orphan ran out crying.

DAD: I'm bringing your toys to the orphanage.

SON: Why?

DAD: You're going to need them.

Why did you put your dirty ass feet in my grits without telling me all this?

Because I forgot to wash and dry them with a paper towel.

I just had a birthday party last week at my crib. I invited two fine, beautiful looking women. One was skinny and her name was Kelly, and the other one was overweight and her name was Chiquita.

Both of them came by. I told Chiquita only Kelly can stay and enjoy my birthday. You can't, you're too fat and clumsy, and I don't have any food or drinks for you, so see ya later, nutty professor.

Every time I come in the kitchen, my girl is in the kitchen in the damn refrigerator eating all the food, like the fried chicken, the mashed potatoes, the collard greens, mac and cheese, and the cornbread.

Then I said I wanna eat some of that shit. I love soul food. Then I told her, "You keep it up; your fat ass is going to be big like the house on Haunted Hill."

Knock knock.

Who's there? It's the Grim Reaper.

Grim Reaper who?

The Grim Reaper who is about to come in your house, smoke some weed, drink some Grim Reaper liquor, and then get drunk.

"Hey man, what's that, a dynamite you have in your hand? Ok, well hold it over. I'll give it right back."

"Oh no, I won't!"

"Oh yes, you will!"

"Oh, I won't!"

"Oh yes, you will!"

"Ok fine, then you take it or I'll blow our your butt before it farts."

The other day all those toilet papers came by my house and asked do I have any crack candy. Naw, I don't have no damn crack candy or no crack apples. All I have here in the backyard is a peanut butter crack sandwich. Help yourself, and while you're at it, clean up all the damn doggie dodo that's everywhere. Thank you, Mr. Toilet Papers.

If your butt hurts real bad, put some vapor rub and booty cream on it so it can heal back to normal.

What do you tell your butt cheek when you need to use the bathroom? "Hold it in, so you won't get constipated and die."

Can I make you a basketball cake for dessert?

Yeah, you sure can, but don't be having all your balls in it. It will taste nasty.

The lasagna I just cooked is for me, my friends, and family. You don't get none because your name is not on the list. You wanna know why? 'Cause you got the whole place smelling like catdog and ass.