You're jokes
If you're American when you go in the bathroom and you're American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European.
My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?
Me: No.
Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.
When the quiet kid gets angry and the sped kid sees your hiding spot.
Bing, bang, boom!
How do you make an eight-year-old girl cry twice?
Wipe your bloody cock off on her favorite teddy bear after you’ve raped her.
You're a train; you ran fast on these rails, but you gain nothing, you only gain pain.
If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five, and suddenly everyone is yelling. Geez!
What do you do if your online friend wants to commit suicide? You can't do anything, he's already on line.
Girl: Hey.
Orphan: Hi.
Girl: Wanna be friends?
Orphan: Sure.
Girl: Ok, and go ask your parents if we can have a sleep over.
Your hairline is so close to Earth, it's 100 million lightyears away!
Me: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?
Me: Your parents.
What do you call a guy at your doorstep with no arms or legs? Matt.
Police: Where do you live? Child: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live? Child: With me.
Police: Where do you all live? Child: Together.
Police: Where is your house? Child: Next to my neighbor's house.
Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Child: If I tell you, would you believe me?
Police: Yes. Now tell me. Child: Next to my house.
Police: ... Child: 😊
Police: *Proceeds to beat the life out of the child*
How do you know when your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
Your hairline is so bad that you have a humongous forehead.
Dude, people gotta stop letting 9/11 jokes fly around like bro, you're gonna make my brain explode!
"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.
“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.
A Chinese guy said to his friend: "I saw you fucking your donkey yesterday."
His friend: "No, that's impossible, it's too hot inside."
If you're ever bored, just punch an orphan.
What are they gonna tell their parents?
I got a bowl of rice that you're formed like, an ice cube.
Your hairline [is] so bad even your mama left you.