You're

You're jokes

Did you know you don't actually wash your hands?

They wash each other while you stand there looking at them like a creep.

Kidnapper: Hey kid, your parents told me to pick you up.

Kid: Sir, this is an orphanage.

Kidnapper: ...

You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!

Your sister is so stupid, when she saw Mountain Dew, she went to the top of a mountain to get it.

Boss: You're fired.

Me: *turns in my gun and my badge*

Boss: You're a waiter. Where did you get those?

Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend.

Friend: Wow thanks, I'm rich!

Robin [narrows eyes]: You're what?

So, a man goes to church and is dipped in water three times by a Priest as he says, "From now on your name is Michael, and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol."

Soon after, the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips the beer can in the water three times while saying, "From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol."

If you’re having a bad day, just punch an orphan.

Who are they going to tell? Their parents?

Your momma is so fat, when she got in the Pacific, she became the Pacific Ocean.

Your mama's so ugly, she got everything for free.