You jokes

Why can't an orphan be in a Scream movie?

It's always someone you know.

What did the emo say to the popular kid?

"Go fuck yourself for thinking all emos cut because they don't... y'know, for a matter of fact, fuck all you guys..."

My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."

I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."

What's the difference between you and me?

I have a plan for this new year.

So long, suckers. Keep scrolling.

What do you call sex with a hoover?

Clean sex.

What happens if you play with Santa’s ball? You get a white Christmas.

Are you a Pikachu?

Because you are SHOCKINGLY beautiful!

Pokemon

What do you call a person with a fat brain?

A fat neek!

How do you get an orphan's hands to bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home!

Say this when showing this website to someone: "You know, it's too bad this website doesn't have a homepage."

What do you call a fat spеaky in a wheelchair spеaky chair?

What do you call Aston?

Asston.

What do you get when you mix a redneck and spicy food?

The worst shits you'll ever see!

Would you rather listen to Justin Bieber or die in the slowest and most painful way possible?

They're the same thing.

If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.

You have the rest of your life to figure it out.

What's the difference between a piano, a pot of glue, and a tuna fish?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

What about the glue?

I knew you'd get stuck there.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I thank God I'm not as ugly as you.

You look like the type of guy to wash his/her hands after a shower! (And don't write in the comments that there are more than 2 genders.)

You're adopted, do you want to know why? Because you're so ugly.