You jokes

How many times can you subtract ten from one thousand?

One; after that you're subtracting ten from 990.

Take a water bottle, shake it, you got piss.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue.

God made me pretty, what happened to you?

I’m still wearing the smile you gave me last week :)

You ever get the feeling when your parents are cheating on you? I do.

Friend 1: How come when you say "apart" your lips move apart, but when you say "together" they move apart?

Me: Maybe your lips want a divorce.

What do you give a dog with a fever?

Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!

Good morning, Gwen, how are you?

You will never have a girlfriend.

Your head so big you can wash a big TV on it!

What do you cross with a cow and a tiger? (mooigter)

— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?

— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.

I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"

What do you call a flying pig?

Fiction.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef! Hahahahahaha!

Why would you not let an elephant sleep in the same bed with you?

Because they stink and now the room smells like elephant shit.

Your computer just went in my bathroom and took a shit because you put too much chili in the bowl.

If you are a big fan of me, go to the movie and I kill the bad guys. If you don't, I will be mad and I will be sonic.exe lol.

What did you call a school that got blown up?

My sis came up to me and said, "Mom told me to take the trash out for the rest of the year."

"So, uh, you free tomorrow?" 😂