You jokes
A: What did the podiatrist say to the double amputee?
Q: Sorry, but I can't help you.
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, you can hear the chair screaming.
Have you ever wondered why you never see a gay guy in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to become a vegetable when you’re already a fruit.
"Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!"
"How do you make 7 even?"
"Take away the s."
What do you call two brunettes and a blonde in the NFL?
Two tight ends and a wide receiver!
When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant:
Did you get seafood without me? It smells like fish.
You're like a stormy cloud, because once you go away, it's a nice day.
How do you think they found out cows produce milk?
Two kids having fun in the barn.
What do you call an army of autistic people?
Special forces!
I'd make you fall harder than the South Tower.
What do you call a flooded hospital?
Vegetable soup.
A man wakes up and asks his wife, “Are you okay? You were cursing me all night in your sleep.” The wife replies, “Who says I was sleeping?”
How do you play chess with a Catholic?
You put a condom on the bishop.
Say what you want about Jeffrey Epstein, but at least he knew how to take out the trash.
My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.
I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"
What do you call two guys fighting over a slut?
Tug of whore.
Q: How do you know you're at a gay barbecue? A: All the hot dogs taste like shit.
My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.
The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"
Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"
What do you call a downie superhero?
Chromo-doner.