You jokes
Me: Yo wanna play 9/11?
My Friend: What’s that?
Me: It’s a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
I hate you.
I hate you who?
You hate me?? Rude!
What do you call an octopus on land?
A spider, duh!
Me: *watching TV*
Mom: Omg, no way, your dad is coming!
Me: Really?
Mom: Obviously not, he never loved or wanted you.
You could hold your breath for the rest of your life.
Think about it.
It works, my brother has never slept better
Your uncle Jack is stuck on the horse...
Would you help him jack off the horse?
Bianca: Mr. Doeken, even though I completed my test, you still said it was "late." Why is that?
Mr. Dowon: Bianca, for the LAST TIME, MY LAST NAME IS DOWON!
Bianca (🤨): Are you sure?
Mr. Dowon (😒): What do you need, Bianca?
Bianca: It's Bianca!
Mr. Dowon: Are you sure?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
I did app.
I did app who?
You did a poo.
A flock of swallows were migrating south as a jet flew past them.
"Why was that one flying so fast?" asked one. Another answers, "Can't you see his tail is burning?"
Have you heard about kids with AIDS?
It never gets old.
So put your best face on everybody, pretend you know this song everybody.
*pulls out noose* "COME HANG!"
*pulls out gun* Let's go out with a bang... Bang- *gunshot*
What do you call a bird with no wings?
Moas didn't even know that existed!
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
What do visiting Goatman's Bridge and a bungee jumping accident have in common?
You hear a snap, and suddenly you're falling from a bridge.
What did one skeleton say to another?
...nothing... they are dead... what did you expect?
What do you do when you finish a magazine in school?
Answer: You shoot it!
Did you know the "f" in "orphan" stands for family?
Kid: There is no "f" in "orphan."
There is no family.
I stood in front of the mirror. "Joseph, I will love and protect you forever," my dick cooed. I looked down at it, a single crystalline tear sliding down my face. I was at peace.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.