You jokes
How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.
What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.
A Russian walked into a bar... Unlucky for him I guess, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.
I hate it when you say your life is a joke because a joke actually has meaning.
Memes
What happens when you have dry elbows at work?
You don't have any elbow grease to put into it.
Son: Dad, where are you?
Dad: Getting another one.
Son: Getting what?
Dad: Dad.
Judge to the defendant: "Defendant, do you have a criminal record?"
"No."
"Have you always been honest?"
"No, never been caught!"
Welcome to Dave’s orphanage. You make it, we take it.
Why shouldn't you make fun of burn victims?
Because they've already been roasted!
People ask me, "Are you an organ donor?"
"Yeah, over my dead body!"
Do you know what the F in orphan is for...
Family.
Notice on a shoe repair shop: I’ll heel you, I’ll save your sole, I’ll even gladly dye for you.
What do you call plane crash victims?
Down to earth people.
I would tell you a joke about pizza, but it was too cheesy.
A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating."
The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!"
The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."
How do you break up two blind guys fighting?
Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"
What's the similarities between anonymous and a cow? I think you know...
How do you get a monkey off the wall?
You jerk him off!
If you hit an Indian person on the forehead with a dart, is it considered a bullseye?