You jokes
You are a joke.
What do you call a chair?
I don't know. What?
Oh, hi, Chairity!
What do you call a midget that waves at you?
A microwave.
"Can you tie a knot?"
"I cannot."
"So you can knot?"
"No, I cannot knot."
"Not knot?"
"Who's there?"
"F... off!"
What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?
The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.
Memes
I would tell you my jokes about pogs, but they would eventually get too boar-ing.
Friend: Knock, knock.
Me: Who's there?
Friend: Short.
Me: Short who?
Friend: Short you!
Me: 🙁
Friend: 🤣
Roses are red, violets are blue, I have a joke, so are you.
Knock knock, Who's there? Dad. You came back?
Leprechauns are stupid. No joke.
Are you a toaster?
Two fish in a bowl. First fish asks, "Haven't I seen you around here before?"
The second fish replies, "F**k me, a talking fish!"
You could say ancient Egyptians and JDM car fans are alike--they both worship Datsun.
"I hear you asking, 'What's your favorite instrument?' The Trombone."
Did you know that lots of graves are put in churchyards?
Yeah, they're pretty holey.
How do you call on a mail man who is carrying rotten fruit?
Come post!
A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"
What do you call a stick with a string on the end of it?
A fishing pole.
What was the oak tree's response to the apple tree's joke?
You should leaf it alone!
Are you choked?
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.