You jokes

I'd tell you a joke about my boyfriend's dick, but it's a private joke.

You’re so short you would need a lift to kiss your bride.

If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner...you might be a Redneck!

Bf: Babe, do you love me?

Gf: Of course, why do you ask?

Bf: I heard that your mom passed away, and I went to pick some roses for you to try to cheer you up, and then I remembered why I went to the garden.

You know how to draw a horse? If not, look in a mirror and draw what you see.

Son: Mom, can I tell you something?

Mom: Yes, of course, honey, what's up?

Son: Ok, you have terrible jokes! They're not even funny!

Mom: Well, I made you.

What did one bee say to the other bee?

"I love you, honey!"

What can you catch but not throw?

A cold!

What’s the difference between 69 and a family reunion?

You only see one asshole in 69.

"Is your refiger running?"

"Is your refrigerator running? You better go catch it!"

Husband: Hey, my dear, this lunch is great. Where did you find the recipe?

Wife: In a detective novel.

Friend A: "Why are you still a virgin, bro?"

Friend B: "I was until last night."

Friend A: "Nah, nah, who with?"

Friend B: "Your sister."

Friend A: "I don't have a sister."

Friend B: "Just wait 9 months, you'll see."

What do you call a stabbed pig?

Porkchopped.

What is a pig's favorite Food Network channel?

Pork Chopped!

Hah, got 'em (I guess)!

You are annoying lolllllllll.

What do you call a banana that peels itself?

Appealing!

When someone says you're an orphan, say, "At least I was wanted, unlike you!"

"Orange, orange, orange."

"Knock, knock."

"Orange."

"Orange you happy I didn't say orange again?"

A guy entered a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching across the books, and the librarian asked him,

Librarian: What are you looking for?

Man: I am looking for a book!

Librarian: Which book?

Man: Facebook.

Do you have a halo?

'Cause I can give it to you.

What's the difference between a pizza and a guy you really hate?

One won't scream when you remove their meat.