You jokes

If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then half of the least dose would be a lifetime supply.

You have been accused of stealing toilet rolls. How do you plead?

Guilty or not guilty?

I don't really trust the press. Sometimes they wear badges that say "press," but if you press those badges, they just fall over, all surprised.

I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed to my friend who had an overdose of LSD.

I see a dreamer.

I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"

And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"

I have the best joke:

"You."

Hi guys, I'm back! So I have a question for you. What is red and smells like blue paint? Type in comments what you came up with.

I think I am a boomerang because I always come back to you.

How do you call a man with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.

I'll give you an A because you're awesome.

B because you're beautiful.

A C because you're caring.

And I'll give you this D cuz you deserve it.

You know that your grades are bad when you get a 66% on a test and your grade goes up.

What do you do when you finish a magazine in school?

Answer: You shoot it!

What did the bee say to the flower?

"Hey bud! When do you open?"

What do you do when an orphan is taking a photo?

Yell "FAMILY PICTURES!"

What do you call a pig that knows karate? A pork chop.

A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"

The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"

Imagine you go to school, right? You hit the curve, the bus driver be like, "Ahhh, how do I stop the bus?" Students from the bus jump from the windows. One of the students: "That's a YOU problem."

I lick poo for a living... You?

What are you willing to write in your notebook? These nuts.

Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?

Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.