You jokes

You're so flat, you make pancakes look thiccc.

You want to hear a cheesy pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy!

Hehehehehe.

I was going to tell you a joke about a big cat, but I would be lion.

Believe in unicorns, and they'll believe in you!

There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard: the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills," grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence," grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."

How do you make a baby cry? You punch it in the face.

A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills. The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?" She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers." The cop asks, "So what did you do about it?" The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!" "That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack?" The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays..."

An Asian walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do you, too, sing 'One Long Toy Cow'?"

The bartender says to the Asian, "Sorry, I don't speak Chinese."

If you like funny comments, click the comment section.

Windows could not connect to the Internet, would you like to search online for a solution to this problem?

When you met her first before your parents met each other. (In the case of your mom dating her dad).

If you read this, you fucked your dad and your 4-year-old sister, you sick fuck... At least wait till they are 15.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

(Answer) Ground beef.

Sorry for a bad joke.

A jumping cable walked into a bar and the bartender said,

"I will serve you, but don't start anything!"

How do you stop a baby from crying?

Throw a brick in its mouth.

"Thank you for letting me borrow your wife."

*darned autocorrect*

"Thank you for letting me borrow your wi-fi"

Can you tell me the real answer to this joke?

What do you call a drone that takes the long way around?

A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said:

"F*ck off! You won’t bring it back."

Science experts say when you get mad, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

When you donate a kidney, you are a total hero, everyone loves you.

When you donate five kidneys though, people start yelling, the police gets called--sheesh!