You jokes

What do you call it when a cow gets disciplined by her parents?

Grounded beef.

Mommy, Mommy, are you an archer?

"Shut up and keep the apple on your head still."

You lost 30 lbs when you joined Weight Watchers, and lost another 10 lbs when they shaved your back.

When I aim this trigger, it all goes red.

Do you have a bounty 'cause you got a "M" on your head?

What do you call an emo kid playing with fire?

Forgot to clean little piece of dust.

Yo yo Zac, have you Amber HEARD about the Johnny Depp case? ARRRRRRRRRRR!

What does the door say to the doorbell?

The door said: "You dingus!"

A farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm and says, "This is the pig I'm fucking." She says, "You idiot, that's a sheep!" He says, "Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."

How many terrorists does it take to tile a roof?

It depends on how thin you slice them.

You suck harder than a vacuum ever will :)

A farmer artificially impregnated a cow. The cow said to another cow, "It's a miracle, I'm pregnant." The other cow said, "That's impossible, it's only us cows in the field, you must be joking." The first cow said, "Nope, I'm serious... no bull!"

My friend playing truth or dare asked me: "Dare".

My friends: "I dare you to go home."

Michael J. Fox walks into an ice cream parlor.

The man behind the counter asks Michael, "Can I help you?"

Michael exclaims, "I would like an ice cream."

The man behind the counter asks, "What flavor?"

Michael says, "It doesn't matter what flavor, I'm gonna fucken drop it anyway."

What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?

They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.

True fact: School shooters aren’t dangerous to you if you're the school shooter.

Yep, if someone says to you, "I can't roast trash," say, "Well, some trash is used for recycling, and that is why you have a baby brother!"

Bye, I'm Paul Badman. Did you know that you don't have rights? The Articles of Confederation say you don't, and so do I. I believe that until proven innocent, every woman, man, and adult in this country is guilty. And that's why I don't fight for you, Santa Fe!

What do you call a whale on a beach?

Banked.

"If you yeet one thing that has been yoted, the yeet gods will help you" - Chris Tyson, MrBeast's friend, and your mom >:)

Why can't an orphan play baseball? They don't know where home is.