You jokes
Bye, I'm Paul Badman. Did you know that you don't have rights? The Articles of Confederation say you don't, and so do I. I believe that until proven innocent, every woman, man, and adult in this country is guilty. And that's why I don't fight for you, Santa Fe!
You're so short, Aiden looked tall.
Have you heard of Wendy's?
Yea, Wendy's nuts in you mouth.
If you’re American when you go in the bathroom...
... and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European.
What do you call a Gary Dinosaur?
A mega-sore-ass.
What do you call it if you find an old organ keyboard on the side of the road?
Organ harvesting.
What do you call an emo kid playing with fire?
Forgot to clean little piece of dust.
How many terrorists does it take to tile a roof?
It depends on how thin you slice them.
Michael J. Fox walks into an ice cream parlor.
The man behind the counter asks Michael, "Can I help you?"
Michael exclaims, "I would like an ice cream."
The man behind the counter asks, "What flavor?"
Michael says, "It doesn't matter what flavor, I'm gonna fucken drop it anyway."
True fact: School shooters aren’t dangerous to you if you're the school shooter.
If someone says nobody asked, you could say, "Well, nobody asked for you to talk!"
What do you call it when you see nothing but pants? Brief psychotic disorder!
Hey, you know what I told the kid in a wheelchair?
I told him to be a stand-up comedian!
Q: How do you know when Putin is lying?
A: His lips move.
Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)
Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.
Two friends fighting.
Friend 3: "Cut it out, you two!"
Friend 4: "It wouldn't help if they cut it out... Believe me... I've tried..."
Chef: “How did you enjoy your steak, sir?”
Customer: “I asked for it medium rare, but it’s well done!”
Chef: “Why thank you.”
Customer: “You don’t understand, the steak is well done!”
Chef: “Of course it is, I made it.”
If you drop an emo and a piece of paper out of a tree, you know what will hit the floor first? The paper, because the rope will stop the emo.
Have you ever wondered why orphans hate milk?
'Cause their dad never came back with it.
You know boys have balls. Girls have balls, too.