You jokes
Q: Get up for a chair joke!
A: Oh, never mind, you can sit down.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Who.
Who who?
You sound like an owl.
Tell all the skeleton jokes you want, but I've got thick skin.
How do you fit a hundred babies into a small bucket?
With a blender.
Doctor, what is wrong with me?
You will never be able to walk again. It ain't like with me on the field it would make the Miami Dolphins any better.
Memes
What do you call expired milk?
The Milky Way.
Why does new pavement smell like butt?
In other words you can also call it asphalt.
Ass-phalt.
Why do you let your dads sleep so they don't get grumpy and eat your dinner?
What can you catch but not throw?
A cold!
What’s the difference between 69 and a family reunion?
You only see one asshole in 69.
What do you call a female octopus? An octopussy.
What do you say to your pony when it's being wild?
Stop horsing around!
How do you trap a shape? You use a trapezoid.
Have you ever walked into Jason Fraser’s house?
Neither has he.
What do you call a thirsty girl?
An H2Hoe.
What do you call a nervous zucchini?
An edgy veggie.
Would you mind just peeing into this cup, please? It's the one the annoying receptionist uses.
Do you want to hear a building joke?
I am still working on it.
Using Pi, distract that fat kid next to you and copy his answers.
If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then half of the least dose would be a lifetime supply.