You jokes
Did you know there's a place in Germany called Hanover?
Must be lots of drunks there.
What do you call a disabled person that has no legs and likes being alone?
Leaving, walking.
Beethoven to Chris Doemges: "What instrument do you play outside in the Arctic at -12 degrees Celsius?"
Doemges: "Probably the shiver..."
When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant.
Did you get seafood without me?
You will find Taylor Swift on the streets before you find your hairline.
Your hairline is so far gone that you could build a runway.
What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedophile have in common?
"Are you ready kids?"
How are women like swimming pools?
They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.
How do you stop a baby from crying?
You drown it.
What word starts with n and ends with r and you wouldn’t wanna call a Black person?
You really thought n****r, didn't you?
Why can't you be gay and in a wheelchair?
Because you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?
Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.
What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.
A Russian walked into a bar... Unlucky for him I guess, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.
A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE FUCK FUCKED MY WIFE!”
A man in the back responds, “YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!”
I hate it when you say your life is a joke because a joke actually has meaning.
You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.
Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.
You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"
What happens when you have dry elbows at work?
You don't have any elbow grease to put into it.
If you were a room in my house, I’d make you the basement.
So I could put kids inside you.