You jokes

People are like trees. They fall when you hit them multiple times with an axe.

A doctor walks into his office and looks his patient in the eyes, "Sir, you have to stop jerking off."

The man asks, "Why?"

The doctor then says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

If I fuck you harder, you have to scream "daddy," but what happens when you cum?

How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If you woodchuck on the world with that, you have a really deep in, and he says goodbye. When he says goodbye, you're like, "if you."

You wanna hear a construction joke?

I'm still workin' on it!

What do you call Canadian weed? Canadabis.

What do you call it when orphans take a family photo? A selfie!

How old do you have to be to drink? Any age.

What's the difference between an egg and a good wank?

You can beat an egg.

Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries."

Life asked death, "Why do people choose you over me?"

Death replied, "Because you're the beautiful lie, and I'm the painful truth."

"You is so black your mama fainted."

Spare.

You got a spare, spare me an inch of that far juicy cock.

If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.

But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.

What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?

This car in RC-XD.

When you are eating delicious street food in China and you ask the chef: You: "Is this chicken?" Chef: "No, its meow meow."

A student asked a teacher, "How do you pronounce this word? It's spelled A-L-L-I-E-D."

The teacher was about to answer, but then the student said, "Actually, I know how to pronounce it. I lied!" (allied)

If you get out of the shower clean, how does your towel get dirty?

Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator?

He was fired from his job because he couldn’t learn the route.

Kid: Imagine being an orphan!

Parents: Look who's talking, not you 'cause you ain't got no one to talk to! *vanishes*

Kid: WAIT, WHAT!