You jokes

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I'm sorry.

You have been accused of stealing toilet rolls. How do you plead?

Guilty or not guilty?

I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"

And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"

I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed my friend who was on LSD. "I See a Dreamer."

What are you willing to write in your notebook? These nuts.

Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?

Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.

What's the difference between you and my dad? You come home.

Hey selfish king, I see you need a girlfriend ;)

You know that your grades are bad when you get a 66% on a test and your grade goes up.

Julie: What's the difference between a chimp and a pizza?

John: I don't know.

Julie: Remind me not to send you to the store...

What do you call an orphan in Alabama?

A virgin.

What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish?

A crab apple!

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef! (aka dinner)

What did the bee say to the flower?

"Hey bud! When do you open?"

What do you do when an orphan is taking a photo?

Yell "FAMILY PICTURES!"

What do you call a pig that knows karate? A pork chop.

I like ramen. If you do, like!

"Bonus, we can even watch a movie and still chat! Love you!

Which one do you want to watch? 😀"

A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"

The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"

Imagine you go to school, right? You hit the curve, the bus driver be like, "Ahhh, how do I stop the bus?" Students from the bus jump from the windows. One of the students: "That's a YOU problem."