You jokes
How is a marriage like a hurricane?
In the beginning, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, but at the end, you lose your house.
I'd tell you a joke about pizza, but it was too cheesy.
What is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch a cold.
I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"
My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."
Who would've known?
My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."
What do you call a blind German?
A Nazi (not see).
What is the difference between your dad and a video game?
Your dad doesn’t beat you.
Why do you Scotchmen wear kilts?
Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
Why can’t you take an Asian guy golfing? Because you can’t drive. Every time he does, he tries to put a hole-in-one.
Do you know why they call me battery saver?
I get turned on when it’s below 10%.
They say you should love your neighbor. Does that mean I have to love the president?
You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.
Did you hear about the deaf guy's STI?
He got hearing aids.
The term "every 60 seconds" is so stupid.
You know Africans don’t get seconds.
When cops say you have the right to remain silent,
You're just happy you have the right to do something.
How do you know Adam and Eve were white?
Have you ever tried taking a rib from black women?
What do you call a crowd of horny white women?
Cotton waiting to be picked.
Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear were having a picnic.
Fozzie said, "Do you know where Ms. Piggy is? I haven't seen her all day."
Kermit said, "I don't know, but this extra bacon cheeseburger sure tastes great."
There's a new Viagra and prune juice diet that's out.
Unfortunately, you can't tell if you're coming or going.