You jokes

Yo yo Zac, have you Amber HEARD about the Johnny Depp case? ARRRRRRRRRRR!

What does the door say to the doorbell?

The door said: "You dingus!"

A farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm and says, "This is the pig I'm fucking." She says, "You idiot, that's a sheep!" He says, "Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."

How many terrorists does it take to tile a roof?

It depends on how thin you slice them.

You suck harder than a vacuum ever will :)

A farmer artificially impregnated a cow. The cow said to another cow, "It's a miracle, I'm pregnant." The other cow said, "That's impossible, it's only us cows in the field, you must be joking." The first cow said, "Nope, I'm serious... no bull!"

My friend playing truth or dare asked me: "Dare".

My friends: "I dare you to go home."

Michael J. Fox walks into an ice cream parlor.

The man behind the counter asks Michael, "Can I help you?"

Michael exclaims, "I would like an ice cream."

The man behind the counter asks, "What flavor?"

Michael says, "It doesn't matter what flavor, I'm gonna fucken drop it anyway."

What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?

They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.

True fact: School shooters aren’t dangerous to you if you're the school shooter.

Yep, if someone says to you, "I can't roast trash," say, "Well, some trash is used for recycling, and that is why you have a baby brother!"

Bye, I'm Paul Badman. Did you know that you don't have rights? The Articles of Confederation say you don't, and so do I. I believe that until proven innocent, every woman, man, and adult in this country is guilty. And that's why I don't fight for you, Santa Fe!

What do you call a whale on a beach?

Banked.

"If you yeet one thing that has been yoted, the yeet gods will help you" - Chris Tyson, MrBeast's friend, and your mom >:)

Why can't an orphan play baseball? They don't know where home is.

Is there a really annoying girl at your school and she's so fake? Well, say this:

Me: Hey, I have a nickname for you.

Her: Really? What?

Me: Sweet-in-low.

Her: Why?

Me: Because you're artificial.

Why can't you say hi to a drug addict?

They'll say "yea."

I told my friend you should definitely quit smoking, but he could not find me because he was already up in flames.

If someone says nobody asked, you could say, "Well, nobody asked for you to talk!"

How do you scare a lot of people in New York?

Open a mobile hotspot named "Delta Inflight Wifi."