You jokes
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
Can I ask you a question? Nut now!
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it a la mode.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
"Don’t look! I saw you peeking through the window."
You can assume a horse is called a great jumper when the horse’s name is “Polo Neck”.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
IBC.
IBC who?
I'll be seeing you later.
When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:
You're so ugly that I choked and died.
When you are sitting outside at school and this boy comes up to you with a rock in his hand and says, "Do you know where Mrs. Stewart is at?"
You have to tell this to a friend:
There are 30 cows in a field. 20 ate 28 chickens. How many didn't? A: 10
Did you know emo kids are the highest jumpers in the world? Some are still up there!
I constantly wonder how people can live happily ever after, but then I realized that antidepressants don't make you OD.
Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."
*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"
How do you surprise a blind guy?
Say, "Surprise!"
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
I want an almond-flavored biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am!
I’d tell you a secret about peanut butter, but you might spread it.
Cashew, see, I'm nuts about you!?