You jokes

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "You know you wanna."

Jill said yes and lifted up her dress. They had some fun.

But silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?

His name is Vladimir Pootin.

Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.

Can watersharky and Gwen comment on this? I need to talk to you guys.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high, grabbed Jill's thigh, and said, "I know you wanna."

Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?

A family portrait.

"Knock knock."

"Why are you knocking on a wall? You're in the Twin Towers and they're going down!"

What do you call an orphan that takes a selfie?

A family portrait.

You know how sometimes you want to listen to music?

But everything you listen to is just supremely unsatisfying, even if it's songs you usually love; they are just so unappealing, and you have no idea what you actually want to listen to.

My girlfriend asked me whether I was having sex behind her back, and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"

A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Puerto Rican!"

Then the blonde replies, "OMG, you dirty little slut! How many is a Puerto Rican?"

What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!

Comment on this if you are somewhat like me: depressed, single, gay, and act like you're not burning inside.

Have you seen Dolly Parton's new shoes? Neither has she!

What do you call a bunch of bald paki in a swimming pool? Coco pops.

What's the difference between a bison and a buffalo?

You can't wash your face in a buffalo.

I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"

What do you call it when an orphan takes a picture?

A family portrait.

One day I met a blind guy and I said, "You should see Mt. Cheaha!"

Q: What do you call a chip that goes fast?

A: A rocket chip.