You jokes
Why can't you eat cereal?
Because your dad never came back from getting the milk!
What do you call a calf that is in no way brave?
A coward.
Kid: My parents want to meet you, you wanna come over?
Orphan: Na, I'm good. I'm going to watch Home Alone. It's the only movie that I can think of that's related to me.
Snake one: Are we venomous?
Snake two: Yep!... Why do you ask?
Snake one: Cuz I just bit my tongue!!! (Drama scene)
I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"
Memes
Do you know why you never mess with an orphan?
Because they’ve got guardians!
You know, being a bitch is hard... but I found the person who's up for the challenge... you.
How do you make a peanut laugh? You crack it up!
How do you try to shout at someone on the bottom of the ground?
"Hey, sir! Are you dead?"
There were 25 cows, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
(Ten, if you count in base 13!)
You know what pun is used for "waist?"
Nothing. You'll find nothing.
It's just a waste of time.
What kind of clothing should you wear on “hump day”? Camelflouge.
Welcome to David's Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!
Are you a red light? Because I stop every time I see you.
What do you call a sexually attracted pizza who spoons another pizza?
A Topping.
What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?
A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.
What food makes you smart? Salt, because it's a mined food.
Friend: You ok, man?
Me: Yea... I'll just leave myself "hangin'" tonight...
I told my mom I'm happy and she said: "I didn't know you were gay."
Kid #1: You're adopted.
Kid #2: At least they wanted me.
Kid #1: Did your real parents want you?