You jokes
How do you know if you have a high sperm count?
She chews before she swallows.
What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room?
Redundant.
Mother: Jack, I have good news and some bad news, which would you like to hear first?
Jack: Bad News first.
Mother: I'm dying!
Jack: Mother, I said bad news first.
Mother: *cries*
Jack was never seen again.
A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street.
Man in Wheelchair: *falls out of wheelchair*
Friend: Are you okay?
Man in Wheelchair: I can't feel my legs!
You want to hear a joke about pizza?
Sorry! Can't tell ya, it's too cheesy!
How many times do you tickle a squid before it laughs?
TEN-TICKLES
I have a friend that sells backpacks for a living. You can draw on them using markers of different color variants.
He one day said his business was "remarkable."
What pants do you wear to church? Hole-y ones.
What do you get when you cross a stick and a dog? A run away joke...
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued.
Your flesh was delectable, and so was the rest of you.
My version of the Roses are Red Poem in MW3:
I thought Soap could trust you. And so did I too. So WHY IN BLOODY HELL DOES MAKAROV KNOW YOU?!
Did you hear about the dead artist?
Too many strokes.
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"
Guy is at athletic meet. Asks guy if he is a pole vaulter.
He replies, "No I am German and how did you know my name was Walter?"
You could say Japanese car fans and ancient Egyptians are alike—they both worship Datsun.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
If you boil a funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock. That's humerus.
What do you call a Muslim in a swimming pool? A bath bomb.
What's the difference between you and an orphan?
Nothing.
What do you call my sister?
Suicidal.