You jokes
If you boil a funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock. That's humerus.
Mother: Jack, I have good news and some bad news, which would you like to hear first?
Jack: Bad News first.
Mother: I'm dying!
Jack: Mother, I said bad news first.
Mother: *cries*
Jack was never seen again.
What do you call a virgin kid locked in a room with a pedophile? Past tense.
What do you call a Muslim in a swimming pool? A bath bomb.
How many times do you tickle a squid before it laughs?
TEN-TICKLES
You want to hear a joke about pizza?
Sorry! Can't tell ya, it's too cheesy!
What pants do you wear to church? Hole-y ones.
What do you get when you cross a stick and a dog? A run away joke...
I have a friend that sells backpacks for a living. You can draw on them using markers of different color variants.
He one day said his business was "remarkable."
You could say Japanese car fans and ancient Egyptians are alike—they both worship Datsun.
Guy is at athletic meet. Asks guy if he is a pole vaulter.
He replies, "No I am German and how did you know my name was Walter?"
A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street.
Man in Wheelchair: *falls out of wheelchair*
Friend: Are you okay?
Man in Wheelchair: I can't feel my legs!
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make 'em, we take 'em!
Are you a train? Because I want you to run over me. :)
Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp?
He bought a warehouse.
What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room?
Redundant.
I asked to borrow a book from the library. It was titled "Suicide in Ten Easy Steps." The cunt just stood and said, "Cheeky bastard, you won't bring it back!"
One day I was very happy. I managed to win the lottery and receive a free vacation trip to Saudi Arabia!
Everything was going well until suddenly the FRAUD appeared! It was him, PRISTIANO PENALDO! He dived toward me and grabbed my lottery ticket. I asked him why he is doing this, only for him to reply "I need trip to Saudi Arabia to statpad the PENS!" as he dived back through my window.
Shame on you for stealing my vacation and ruining my day! You are no longer my Idol Pristianooooo!
What do you call a retarded fruit?
Mentally in-pear-ed.