You jokes

Bar

A guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum and yells: "Who the fuck fucked my wife?"

Everybody is silent for a second, then the bartender said: "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets!"

School

When you get suspended from school for giving the deaf kid AirPods for his birthday.

Milk

Little Johnny: Hey, Dad, are you finally back with the milk?

Dad: Yea, but it's expired, so I'm going back to the "milk store" and get more (and not come back for a couple more years). :)

Memes

Pirate

Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"

Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.

Robot

What do you call a male robot who wants to be a girl?

A trans-former.

Car

Twinkle, twinkle, there’s a car Coming like a shooting star.

I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.

Date

Women be like men should pay for first dates, then get mad when you do...

Baseball Game

When you go to a baseball game and they say, "Heads up!" and you put your head up, and the ball hits you in the head.

Fire

What do you call California during a forest fire?

Completely normal.

Gwen

Hey Gwen, listen, I know you're on this app, fake or not. I love you either way. Please find this faker and finish her off for what she's done, real Gwen.

*You're a real best Gwen*

Plane

Are you a plane? Because I wanna be in control of you for a few hours.

Orphanage

School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!

Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*

Cross

You call him the holy cross. I call it the rejected Smash character.

Face

Little William punched Little Johnny in the face. Then Little Johnny says, "If you do that again, I'm gonna turn your fucking nuts into coconut juice."