You jokes

[God creating sharks]

God: Ok give them 3 rows of teeth.

Angel: Seems excessive but ok.

God: And make them mean as hell.

Angel: WTF y.

God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO.

Angel:...

God: And make one of the types have a hammer for a head.

Angel: Why do I still work for you?

God: Because I’m the only employer as of right now.

A man was shaving in the bathroom when all of a sudden Bubba, the boy he payed to mow his lawn, comes in to take a piss. The man can't help but look over his shoulder and he is surprised at how well endowed he is, and he asks: "Bubba, what's your secret?"

Bubba replies: "Well, every night before I get in bed with a woman I whack my dick on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"

The man was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night, before he went to bed with his wife. So he got to bed and whacked his dick on the bedpost three times and the wife wakes up and says "Bubba, is that you?"

This is the song we all misunderstood: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2S0QhGGO1gQ

"He said, "One day, you'll leave this world behind, so live a life you will remember." My father told me when I was just a child, "These are the nights that never die." My father told me."

Whenever I think about it deeply, it makes me wanna cry :(

A father of five puts on a gas mask and a hazard suit and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked, "Dad, what are you wearing?"

The father answered with, "A costume for Halloween."

The child asked, "Can I join?" He said no, for he said it's their last Halloween. After that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.

An unfortunate accident happened at the Nestlè factory. A man named Joe was seriously injured because a box of chocolates fell on him. Every time he said, "The chocolates are on me!" everyone cheered.

What do you call a bunch of Muslims in a bath?

A bath bomb.

Do you know what the similarity between a penis and cucumber is?

They both have cum in it.

(I'm Asian so I can say this.) If I say that we are made of money, that just means you can fit pennies through our little eye slits, and we can save them for you in there!

What do you call a dwarf with borderline autism? Jimothy.

Roses are red, Justin Bieber is gay, But most importantly, You know de way.

So, a retarded kid's mom drops her kid off at school and says, "You better stop the bus today, because I’m not picking you up." So he agrees, and he arrives at the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The next day, the mom says the same thing, and the kid goes to the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The third day, his mom says, "I don’t care if I have to jump out in the middle of the road, you better stop that bus!" So the kid goes to the bus stop and jumps out in the middle of the road and says, "Stop!" The bus driver runs over him. A nearby lady stops the bus and says, "Why’d you run that poor kid over?" and he responds, "'Cause he was making fun of me" (in a retarded voice).

What do you do if you see an Indian woman getting raped? Nothing, since raping is a normal everyday part of Indian culture.

How do you recover from prostate cancer surgery?

It’s all Depends!

American: How do you use a PC?

Amish: We use a potato.

Why can't you tell a joke in a corn maze?

Because there's too many ears.

What do you call a man with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows. No body, nose.

You don't want to know why it takes so long to put a dead woman in a mass-produced coffin in a pre-buried grave dug by machinery that is then filled by mourners.

What is George Floyd's pickup line?

You are breathtaking.

You're so skinny, you swallowed a meatball and thought you were pregnant!

What do you call a Mexican Transformer? Optimus Juan!