You jokes
Did you hear about the guy who invented the first knock knock joke?
He won the No Bell Prize!
Roses are red, Violets are blue... I fucked your mother's ass, and she had you.
What do you call an orphan fish?
Self-ish.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
Two of the worst jokes ever.
People are like trees...
If you hit them with an ax multiple times, they'll fall over.
Do you want to hear a joke about the blunt pencil? Never mind, it's pointless.
Have you heard the latest pun about pizza?
Never mind. It’s too cheesy!
What do you call someone who is extra virgin?
Mrs. Frame.
What do you call a person who wants to be punched a lot?
A clout chaser.
Search up "clout meaning" if you don't get it.
I would slap you, but that would be animal abuse.
You are American when you walk to the bathroom. What are you when you are in there?
You're-a-peein'. European.
Satan: "Why are you in hell?"
Me: "I threw itching powder on somebody with no arms."
How do you get a clown off your swing?
You shoot it.
Do you know who didn't graduate high school this year?
The Parkland kids.
You. You're a joke.
Fell Sans: Welp, you're BONED!
Fell Papyrus: DAMN YOU SANS!!!
What do you call a bulldog and a shih tzu? A bullshit.
What kind of jeans do you wear to church?
Holy jeans!
A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.
The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.
The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.
"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.
The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."
Did you know that, statistically, 1 in 10 people live next door to a pedophile? Not me though, not me though; I live next door to a lil 10 year old boy with a FAT ASS yenno what I'm sayin'???