You jokes

You guys asked for a joke? Well, you're in luck, because you already are one!

What do you call an octopus with a hat?

An octopus with a hat, of course.

A momma cow and three baby calves are on a farm. The first baby calf asks the momma cow, "Mom, why is my name Rose?"

The mom responded, "Well, you see, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."

The second one asks her, "Then why is my name Daisy?"

The mom chuckled and simply replied with, "When you were born, Daisy petals fell on your head."

The last one said, "DUH DUR SURH!"

The mom said, "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!"

What do you call a bunch of Muslims in a bath?

A bath bomb.

Q: Why didn’t Santa eat the milk and cookies you set out for him?

A: He doesn’t exist, you childish sh**!

Why didn't the kid cancer patients like his joke?

He said, "You'll understand when you get older!"

Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.

Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."

Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?

Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.

You're so poor that when you walked into an elevator, you thought it was a mobile home.

You have two parts of [your] brain, "left" and "right". In the left side, there's nothing right. In the right side, there's nothing left.

You're so fat,

when you stepped on the scale,

Buzz Lightyear came out and said,

"To infinity and beyond!"

You’re so fat that when you sit on the toilet, it says, “A B C D E F G, get your butt off of me!”

Me: Hey Siri, did you know Candice died?

Siri: Yes, I was informed she died from sugondese.

Me: What is that?

Siri: Sugondese nuts.

Q: How do you make an emo kid happy?

A: Give them a Happy Meal.

What do you call a group of emos?

Suicide Squad.

Your hairline is so ugly, I thought you were Shrek!

What do you call a blind German?

A nat-zee.

Lynx Africa is based on a nice smell. Do you think Lynx England would smell like Stella and disappointment?

What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?

You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.

Roses are red, violets are blue,

I’m sorry you look like my old beat up shoe.

How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb? None, they can't change anything.

I am just kidding, you know gay jokes aren't funny, come on guys.