You jokes

When you think about it, Hitler wasn’t a bad person. He killed Hitler.

Welcome to Jimmy's orphanage and pizza shop, where today's loss is a sauce. How may I help you?

Welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make 'em, we take 'em!

Me: What do you call 4 depressed kids?

My friend: What?

Me: The Suicide Squad.

What do you call a wild cow in a shop with old things?

A bull in a china shop.

How do you know if you have a high sperm count?

She chews before she swallows.

Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued.

Your flesh was delectable, and so was the rest of you.

My version of the Roses are Red Poem in MW3:

I thought Soap could trust you. And so did I too. So WHY IN BLOODY HELL DOES MAKAROV KNOW YOU?!

Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp?

He bought a warehouse.

What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room?

Redundant.

Are you a train? Because I want you to run over me. :)

Did you hear about the dead artist?

Too many strokes.

What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?

"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"

Mother: Jack, I have good news and some bad news, which would you like to hear first?

Jack: Bad News first.

Mother: I'm dying!

Jack: Mother, I said bad news first.

Mother: *cries*

Jack was never seen again.

How would you multiply numbers in octoschool?

You octoply, obviously.

What does a tuna, piano, and a tub of glue have in common?

You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

But what about the glue? said Bob I. I knew you would get stuck on that!

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street.

Man in Wheelchair: *falls out of wheelchair*

Friend: Are you okay?

Man in Wheelchair: I can't feel my legs!

If you boil a funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock. That's humerus.

One day I was very happy. I managed to win the lottery and receive a free vacation trip to Saudi Arabia!

Everything was going well until suddenly the FRAUD appeared! It was him, PRISTIANO PENALDO! He dived toward me and grabbed my lottery ticket. I asked him why he is doing this, only for him to reply "I need trip to Saudi Arabia to statpad the PENS!" as he dived back through my window.

Shame on you for stealing my vacation and ruining my day! You are no longer my Idol Pristianooooo!