You jokes
Roses are red, violets are blue, when The Oh Hellos saw you they said "Shoo!"
What’s the worst thing about being suicidal?
The school shooter will always spare you.
Would you rather get a massage from a man or get major surgery from a woman?
What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can’t hear an enzyme.
Why can't you make jokes about catholic priests?
Because they blow up in your face.
Thank you guys for 6 whole followers! I'm so happy!
When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.
Toast is like parents.
If they are both black, you have nothing to eat.
Are you Hiroshima? Because I want to drop my bomb inside you.
A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.
She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”
The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”
The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”
What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?
A very pissed duck.
How to get rid of your depression:
1. Stop self-pitying.
2. Realize you can't.
3. Fucking deal with it.
You're welcome.
How do you know if a chick is too fat?
If you pull her pants down, her ass is still in them.
How do you kill a retard?
Give them a knife and say, "Who's special?"
Feeling stressed? Have a nice cup of tea and spill it in the lab of the person bothering you.
You are so scary that even your hairline ran away.
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?
Alphaville - "Forever Young."
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
What do you call an emo kid with light-up shoes? A human chandelier.
What do you call a fudge packer who has special needs?
A gay black male that has Down Syndrome.