You jokes
What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools? A fruit stand.
What do you call two natives in a sleeping bag?
Twix.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.
What do you call an emo kid at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
Would you rather get a massage from a man or get major surgery from a woman?
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
Little Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, "Mommy, mommy, you won’t believe it! Little Johnny just pulled out his PP in class." The mother responded, "Well, what did it look like?" Sally said, "It looks like a peanut." The mother said, "Oh, it was small." "No, it was salty," said Sally.
Feeling stressed? Have a nice cup of tea and spill it in the lab of the person bothering you.
What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?
A very pissed duck.
Did you hear about that Muslim party?
It was a blast!
How to get rid of your depression:
1. Stop self-pitying.
2. Realize you can't.
3. Fucking deal with it.
You're welcome.
When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.
I had sex with a disabled girl. You can say I handiclapped those cheeks.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, you look like a donkey, and smell like one, too.
What do you call an emo kid with light-up shoes? A human chandelier.
You are so scary that even your hairline ran away.
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?
Alphaville - "Forever Young."
What do you call yourself when you fist a midget?
A ventriloquist.
With the sentence "Die in hell," you can buy shoes in Germany.