You jokes

I drove through a school zone and found out you can drag a speed bump 😬.

I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"

Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"

You know what, I'm done. We are banning "your mom" jokes. They're old, weird, and have been done thousands of times. Just like your mom.

I was gonna tell you a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort it.

1+1=3

If you don't use a condom.

When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.

How do you know if a chick is too fat?

If you pull her pants down, her ass is still in them.

What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?

A very pissed duck.

What do you call an emo kid with light-up shoes? A human chandelier.

You are so scary that even your hairline ran away.

Can we have sex, because if we don't, I can't like you, big, thick booty!

So let's have sex in bed, you sexy woman, or behind a tree, because shoving my dick in your pussy is a very nice feeling while sucking your ass.

Friend: Why do you like Minecraft so much?

Me: Because I love miners!

What do you call an emo with no breasts? A cutting board.

What do you call a fudge packer who has special needs?

A gay black male that has Down Syndrome.

What do you call a bowling ball that falls from the sky and knocks down all the bowling pins?

An airstrike.

What do you call an orphan that grows to be a priest?

Fatherless.

What do you call a blank piece of paper?

Women's rights.

Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.

When God gives you glory, you give it back.

A funny joke:

Knock knock. "Who's there?" Who. "Who who?" Ha, who who, you sound like an owl! "Fuck you!"

Do you work at Subway? Because you turn my 6 inch into a footlong.