You jokes

A priest asks a convicted murderer on the electric chair, "Do you have any last request?"

"Yes," said the murderer, "Will you hold my hand?"

Bullying orphans is like bullying the homeless kid; both cry when you make fun of their parents.

When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!

What do you call a committee of emo kids?

A cutting board!

My Wife: How much do you love me??

Me: Count all the stars.

My Wife: Aww, infinity.

Me: No, a waste of time.

My family is like treasure; you need a map and a shovel to find them.

What do you call German weed?

Mustard Gas.

Little Johnny walked into his parents' room to see them going at it.

He asked his mom what they were doing, and she said, "Uh, we're play fighting," and he's like, "With no clothes on?"

She said, "Yeah," and so he said, "Let me join you then..."

Little William punched Little Johnny in the face. Then Little Johnny says, "If you do that again, I'm gonna turn your fucking nuts into coconut juice."

Ring.. Ring.. Yes this is Dave from the Orphanage, "you make 'em we take 'em", how may I be of service?

Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.

Latias is red.

Latios is blue.

You should always remember to put up your curtains because I Pikachu.

What did the snail say to his ex-wife?

"I'm still leaving you!"

I don't understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their Facebook status to single.

I fight with my parents, but you don't see me change my status to "Orphan."

What do you call an orphan’s picture?

A family photo.

You look so pretty. Not at all gross today.

I’d roast you, but your mirror does that for me every day.

What did one butt cheek say to the other butt cheek?... You crack me up.

How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?

Suck its cock.

Why don’t you get a book about how to commit suicide?

Because you won’t bring it back afterwards.