You jokes

A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.

Roses are red, violets are blue,

Get in the van, or I'll kill you.

What do you call a skeleton's omelet?

A bonelet.

You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.

What did the dirt say to the embers?

You look smoking hot.

I would tell you a joke about a slice of pizza, but it's really... cheesy. I donut think you will come up with a better pun than this.

How do you get two deaf people from fighting?

Turn off the lights and walk out.

I heard you were looking for a stud. I have the STD, and all I need is U.

Have you heard my cherry joke? It's pitiful.

Have you heard about the canoe sale down the road? It was an ordeal.

How do you annoy Pinocchio?

Ask him, "Do you always tell lies?"

What do you call a stoner when horny?

A weed whacker!

What do you get when you cross a pedophile and an elementary school? Predator 3.

How do you count cows with a cowculator?

What do you call a short person that goes to school?

A Sammie.

I wanna tell you guys a joke about a broken pencil...

But it’s quite pointless.

What did the tie say to the hat?

You go on ahead, I'll just hang around.

Do you know where time is? Because it keeps flying by.

What did Google Translate say to Siri?

"Why are you so Siri-ous?"

What do you call male mermaids?

Mer-butlers!