You jokes

What do you do when you finish a magazine in the hospital?

Reload and keep firing!

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?

You pull the pin and throw it back!

How do you disrespect an Asian?

Give them driving lessons.

NASA called me and they said they reached your hairline.

Dating 101:

Here's what you do:

1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.

How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

Give him a tampon and ask him what period it came from.

How do you get a retard out of a tree?

Wave at them.

Yo mama so fat I can see where you got in from now.

How do you punish a blind person?

Hand them a gun and tell them it’s a hairdryer.

As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."

Are you angry?

Go bully an orphan!

What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.

Her: I am scared!

Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.

Me walking in to the office:

Principal: Tell me what you did?

Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...

How do you piss off a color blind person?

Give them a Rubik's cube.

When you're in the middle of a test and you hear gun shots.

How do you ground a person in a wheelchair?

Take off the wheels!

What do you call a Black-Asian dictator?

Kim Kong Coon.

Are you the Twin Towers? I can't stand you.

"WASSUP GIRLS IF I FIND YOU I'LL GLADLY FUCK YOU;]"

My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.

"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."