You jokes
Why shouldn't you get in a fight with a dinosaur?
You'll get jur ass kicked.
Are you happy to see me, or is that a bomb strapped to your chest and a detonator in your hand?
What do you call a protest that gets crowded?
Human trafficking.
Do you know why the cake doesn't ever fight anyone?
He says, "Take a peace of that!" while entering a fight.
What do you call a kid with special needs with a gun? Special Forces.
What's the difference between an emo kid and an onion?
You cry when you cut an onion.
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
Yo mama so fat, everyday people kept asking: "Are you pregnant?"
Love you baby :^
Why should you never talk to pie at a party? Because it goes on forever.
How do you make an orphan cry? Ask to go over to his house if his parents are OK with it.
What's the difference between babies and onions?
You don't cry cutting up babies.
How do you execute Stephen Hawking?
The electric wheelchair.
The mailman came to drop the mail off.
Me (son): I went and told my mommy that daddy is home.
Mommy tells me, "You got no daddy."
Then I say, "I hear you always call the mailman daddy."
How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
What do you call a kid with 15 nukes and a shotgun?
The final countdown.
Me: I'm afraid of random letters.
Therapist: You are?
Me: [screams]
Therapist: Oh, I see.
Me: [screaming intensifies]
The 3 life rules:
1.
2.
3.
Oh, there are no rules, because you have no life.
Your forehead is so big you can headbutt my face and chest at the same time.
What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench?
The NBA.