You jokes
Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?
Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.
What do you call a retarded duck?
Fuck duck and lick my balls.
Roses are red, I have a blister, holy shit did you just cum in your sister?
When you are in the legendary chest in Fortnite and no golden scar rage.
What do you call a bitch? A dumbass, hahahahaha.
Don't criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. So, when you criticize them, they won't be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you'll have their shoes.
You're so fat you probably apply sunscreen with a paint roller.
His boss gave him some projects to work on, but he failed at it.
His boss told him: "You suck."
And he started sucking his boss, after he was done.
His boss told him: "You suck for life!"
XD
Did you hear about the new sex doll they've invented for Muslims?
It blows itself up!!
Dad: Here you go son, all your toys have gone to the orphanage.
Son: Why, Dad?
Dad: You would be bored there if there was not anything to do.
The man was Indian. He moved to England because he wanted to learn, so got a job at the store. He learned how to say "register," then he was a business man. He learned how to say "59887," then "restaurant," so he learned how to say "fork and knives." So a man came with a knife. The cop came and asked the man which was the killer who killed him. He said, "Him," and pointed to the Indian man. The cop asked, "What did you use?" He said, "Register." The cop asked for ID. "59887." The cop asked, "Anything on you, forks and knife?" He said, "Me me me."
Bully: You're a loser and fat.
Me: Shut up. The camera thought you were a house.
Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?
Her sister is a real Dess-ember!
What's the difference between a hamster and a cigarette?
They're both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.
As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
What's the difference between you and a Barbie? There is no difference. Both of your faces are fake.
What do you say to a woman in a wheelchair with no arms or legs?
"Nice tits."
A man tells his doctor, "Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!"
The doctor replies, "Sorry, I don’t follow you..."
What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A stick.
Are you acid, cause I want to throw [you] at my face?