You jokes

Jesus lives on a long timeline, so he may seem slow to you.

You think on a airplane when a muslim guy gets on, people look at him and think... "Aw, fuck."

Did you know China wanted to send a dog to space?

They didn't because they ate it.

If you go to someone's house and see the flag of the former Soviet Union hanging on the wall,

that's a big red flag!

Are you French? Because I Eiffel for you.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "I know you wanna!"

Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun,

But stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.

Say this when you answer a spam call...

"Hi, welcome to Bob's Taco Shack and Funeral Home, where yesterday's grief is today's beef."

What do you call it when a guy named Fred enters Panera Bread?

Panera Fred.

What do you call a doctor in Panera Bread?

Panera Med.

What do you call it when Panera Bread gets painted red?

Panera Red.

What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench?

The NBA because all the black guys are playing.

What do you call the musical kid who is very aware of his surroundings?

C sharp minor.

What’s the difference between an orphan and Pikachu?

Pikachu, I choose you!

Bully: I can't understand you because I don't speak ugly language.

Me: And I don't speak idiot language.

You also have to learn to say no. For example: "Would you like a piece of cake?" "No, I'd like two."

Windows could not connect to the Internet, would you like to search online for a solution to this problem?

I was an orphan as a kid, but I have never had a bitch, so I asked this cheerleader to homecoming, and she said, "Mofo, you are only coming to hoco because you need a home to go to!"

The dark side of kid songs:

You got a friend in me... you got a friend in me!

Waiter: "Here you go, one medium-rare steak."

Me: "I like it well done."

Waiter: "Thanks, that means a lot!"

A Chinese guy said to his friend: "I saw you fucking your donkey yesterday."

His friend: "No, that's impossible, it's too hot inside."