You jokes
My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.
So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"
I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"
My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.
My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.
"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up like an altar boy.
What do you call a wheelchair on fire?
Hot wheels.
Want to know how a joke becomes a dad joke? Just wait for it to leave you and never come back.
Happens a lot to me😐
When you tell an Asian kid it’s raining cats and dogs and he’s like, “Just open your mouth and close your eyes!”
Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.
If you don’t get it, a Chinese woman ate a bat and she got the coronavirus (I think).
What do you call an Asian that was born too early?
Wong Tai Ming.
When your mama went to Sea World, the whales started singing, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me!"
What do you call a parent that is pregnant?
Buy one, get one free.
* Sans at Sans' favorite restaurant* Sans: Hey, Frisk, what do you eat today?
Frisk: One knife, plz.
Sans: Ok, one knife, plz.
Waiter: You eat a knife?
Frisk: Yes.
*Waiter asking for one knife*
Waiter: Here you go.
Frisk: Thanks you.
What is the only part of a vegetable you can’t eat?
The wheelchair.
What do you call field day in Africa?
The Hunger Games.
I'm 50% human, so that 50% stupid is 100% you.
My mom gives me your stuff because you have bad grades.
Me: How about my 5 little brothers? I have A's; he has F's.
She lets him play anyway and I don't.
You learn from mistakes!
That's why you're an only child!
How do you know if an Asian is a failure?
Figure it out, because they'll all tell you their parents said they were a failure from birth.
A brother and sister were hanging out, and the brother was sad, so the sister asked why. The brother replies with, "I think I need to break up with you!"
How did people bully Helen Keller? They said, "Wow, that was the coolest thing ever! You really should have seen it!"
Did you know about the guy who invented knock knock jokes?
He won the no-Bell prize.