You jokes
Science teacher: How many times can the earth fit into the sun?
Me: As many times as the earth can fit into you.
What do you call Kevin with no beef?
Chicky.
How do you execute Stephen Hawking?
The electric wheelchair.
The mailman came to drop the mail off.
Me (son): I went and told my mommy that daddy is home.
Mommy tells me, "You got no daddy."
Then I say, "I hear you always call the mailman daddy."
How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
What do you call a stupid pig? A pious.
What do you call a kid with 15 nukes and a shotgun?
The final countdown.
What does the woman say to the cannibal at the fashion show?
"Who are you wearing?"
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
Do you know what dogs and orphans don't have in common?
Dogs get loved.
Why should you never talk to pie at a party? Because it goes on forever.
Do you know what is good about being an orphan?
Every candy bar is family sized.
How do you get an emo down from a tree?
Cut the rope!
In America, you work on a plantation.
In Soviet Russia, the plantation works on you!
How do you make an orphan cry? Ask to go over to his house if his parents are OK with it.
Why could not the 11 year old watch the pirate movie?
because it was rated RRRRGGGG.
I am guessing you don't understand :(
"Freshfry, please leave me and prince alone! I never asked you to join our chat!"
Small word of advice: Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love, because they may be gone by then. You don't realize, but every second there is someone who dies, and it just could be your loved one.
What do you call a plate that lies? Dish-onest!
What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can't hear an enzyme, but you can hear a hormone.