You jokes

What do you call California when it’s having a wildfire? Completely normal.

Al Fayed’s son arrives at heaven’s gates and sees his driver.

He shouts “you stupid cunt!”

The driver says, “Watch, Boss?”

Dodi replies...:

“I said I WANT TO FUCK DI IN THE TUNNEL NOT FUCKING DIE IN THE TUNNEL!”

I asked what was her favorite type of magic. She said, "the one you make."

What do you call people who have an Oedipus complex?

Motherfuckers.

Dad: I'm giving all your toys to the orphan kid.

Kid: Why, Dad?

Dad: So you don't get bored.

What do you call a Turk eating turkey?

A cannibal.

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Do you know why Daddy never comes back to get the milk? Because he’s the milkman.

What's the one upside to being an orphan?

You never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.

POV: 11:07 PM At night, reading these when you notice that, like everyone else, you have no life.

On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parent's names?"

The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling."

The teacher said, "Are you kidding?"

The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother, I am Joking."

If you try to fail and you succeed, which one did you do?

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’d never play a country song backwards for you!

My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden.

He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, "You have to dig a little."

You get on an elevator and you find the Pope and Donald Trump cowering from two snarling wolves. In your hand you find a revolver with only two bullets in it... what do you do?

You shoot the Pope and the Donald each in a leg and exit the elevator at the next stop.

You're so ugly that when your mama had you, she tried to give you away, but there was nowhere to give you.

Your mama's so ugly that when she looks in the mirror, you can see Micah.

What do you get when you goblin with a shark?

What do you call a swimming terrorist? A bath bomb.

An orphanage is like a horse rescue: you rescue them, you rehabilitate them, and then you sell them to the highest bidder.