You jokes
You're at a funeral. Your mum says be quiet, so you snigger at the body and say, "Bye forever, bitch."
You get on an elevator and you find the Pope and Donald Trump cowering from two snarling wolves. In your hand you find a revolver with only two bullets in it... what do you do?
You shoot the Pope and the Donald each in a leg and exit the elevator at the next stop.
You're so ugly that when your mama had you, she tried to give you away, but there was nowhere to give you.
What do you get when you goblin with a shark?
You never think of how people will react to an event. My friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.
Memes
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes time to put you under.
What do you call a gay woman? I don't know.
Your mama's so ugly that when she looks in the mirror, you can see Micah.
My sister thinks she's sooooo smart. She said that the only food that makes you cry is onions, therefore I threw a coconut at her.
What do you call California when it’s having a wildfire? Completely normal.
What do you call a woman in a fighter jet to the right of the president?
An escort.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
An RC-XD.
Al Fayed’s son arrives at heaven’s gates and sees his driver.
He shouts “you stupid cunt!”
The driver says, “Watch, Boss?”
Dodi replies...:
“I said I WANT TO FUCK DI IN THE TUNNEL NOT FUCKING DIE IN THE TUNNEL!”
What do you call a Turk eating turkey?
A cannibal.
What do you call people who have an Oedipus complex?
Motherfuckers.
Pokemon: Are you a Flareon? Why?
Because you’re a sexy fox.
Pokemon Jokes!
What do you do when your Loudred evolves?
Buy more earplugs!
What do you call a Pokémon who can’t move very fast?
A Slowpoke.
My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.
I told them, "Just you wait!"
What's worse, being loved or hated? 'Cause when you're loved you could be left alone or be betrayed, but when you're hated no one's there to leave you. What do you think?