You jokes

What do you say when a person trips?

You say, "Why you trippin'?"

What did the orange say to the other orange?

I orange you glad!

If you read this, you lost your v card.

Hey, you person who's scrolling, please leave your HONEST opinion on life. Do you think "life sucks" or "eh, it's okay," etc.? It can be short; if you don't want to, then that's okay.

Bully: I'm going to hurt you so bad.

You: Well, your IQ is the same amount of teeth I'm about to knock out, so... you're so dumb that you don't even know how to do that.

And your IQ is 5.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, God made me pretty, WHAT THE FRICK HAPPENED TO YOU?

Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.

Why are women like KFC? After you finish with the thigh and the breasts, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.

Can [I] ask your sister how you are going for Christmas? And [to clarify,] I have internet.

One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."

Old woman: You are such a darling child. Please come and see me again next year.

A year later, as child walks up to the door of the old lady's house...

Old woman: Oh my! Goodness sakes, child! Have you grown, or have I shrank???

Child: Both.

Ariana Grande was in the store, and when she put her groceries on the counter, she said, "Thank you, next!"

It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.

There are times I miss you, that I wish I could remember where I hid your body.

What do you call a dinosaur with a cowboy hat and cowboy boots?

A Tyrannosaurus Tex.

What do you tell twins that are in love with each other?

Go fuck yourselves!

Have you ever had a friend who masturbated many times? I had one who did a lot, but he had no imagination... when he masturbated, he imagines his hand.

If you were to ask me, "What is the easiest job in the world?", it would be an Australian psychiatrist.

"G'Day, G'Day...how you doing...no worries, next!"

Person: Bro, you have a bad and stupid life.

Me: Yeah, it was all good till you were here!

Person: WTF!

What do you call a fly with no wings?

A walk.