You jokes

Q: How many dead babies does it take to paint the wall?

A: Depends how hard you throw them.

Two fish were in a tank. One turned to the other and asked: "Hey, how do you drive this thing?"

Did you hear about the person who got hit in the head with a soda can?

Good thing it was a "soft" drink!

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put him in the microwave until his bill Withers.

Whenever you wanna roast an orphan, say "yo mamma".

What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.

How do you get a baby into a small bowl?

A blender.

How do you get it out? Tostito chips.

Q: What is the difference between two bottles of Whiskey and 2 pretty feminist girls?

A: You don't leave the bottles in the cold and dark forest after you and your 9 friends are finished with them.

What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?

At least you don’t die when you shower.

One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"

Roses are red, I wish you were dead.

How do you get a woman to give head? Force it down her throat and hold the back of her head. Make her gag for a little and then pull out. Do this over and over for 30 seconds or so. If she doesn't open up, choke her and force her mouth open.

Woman aren't human anyways... lol.

What do you call a Chinese baby?

Sum Ting Wong.

Boy: The principal is so dumb!

Girl: Do you know who I am?

Boy: No...

Girl: I am the principal's daughter!

Boy: Do you know who I am?

Girl: No...

Boy: Good! *Walks away*

What do you call a fat person in a wheelchair?

A broken wheelchair.

What do you call a blank piece of paper?

Women's rights.

What do you call a rare fart in Egypt? A toot uncommon!

What do you call a dolphin in the woods? Dead.

What do you call a wheelchair user in a fire?

Hot Wheels.

If you were a vegetable, you would be a cute-cumber.