You jokes

How do you give a redneck a circumcision?

You kick his sister in the jaw.

A grasshopper jumps into a bar.

The bartender says, "We've got a drink named after you."

The grasshopper says, "Seriously? Why would you name a drink Callum?"

Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?

Boyfriend: My mom taught me.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef!

I'mma flip this coin, if it lands on heads, tuh, you gotta give me head, if it lands on tails then you gotta give me the booty, so lets give this a try *flips coin* OOP! Would ya look at that, it landed on both, ESSKETIT!

What does one orphan say to another orphan on Opposite Day? "Do you want to go home?"

Kid with Cancer: "When I get older, I want to be a movie star or a singer."

Nurse: *Laughs*

Kid: "Why are you laughing?"

Nurse: "When I get OLDER."

Proceeds to laugh.

How do you punch 40 kids in the face at once? Hit them with a “Sandy Hook”.

Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? She will let it go.

Someone is talking about you behind your back, make run "vhaleka."

Yes, you are the one who can get it, and what time do I have?

By the law, you are not allowed to have a sick bird. That's ill-eagle.

You hear about the Roman numeral hospital?

All they have is IVs!

Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted. Me and my dad were going home and walk home and I got home.

Are you a tree? Cuz I’m trying to hang with you. ;)

What’s the difference between a Black person and snow tires?

Snow tires still work after you take the chains off.

Do you want to hear three jokes?

Joke Joke Joke.

I remember my grandad's last words: "Are you still holding the ladder?"

Me: Can I get your mom's number?

Friend: Here you go:

Me: Ohh, strange, I already had it.

What do you call a basketball player with erectile dysfunction?

Tragic Johnson.

What do you call a tree?