You jokes
On Halloween you better hide your candy, or else there will be a fella named Big Dick Randy.
What do you call a deaf and blind axe murderer?
Helen Killer.
How do you tell whether you’ve satisfied a redhead?
She unlocks the handcuffs.
What’s the difference between a Black person and snow tires?
Snow tires still work after you take the chains off.
Scientists say a banana a day is great for the colon.
But you gotta eat it!
Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
Why should you keep English gay activists away from neo-nazis?
British cigarettes get smoked easily.
What is the difference between a cow and 9/11?
You can’t milk a cow for 15 years.
Motivational Quote for today: If you're feeling tired and ugly today, cheer up, you probably won't feel tired tomorrow morning...
Two terrorists walk into a bar.
The bartender asks what they are talking about. Terrorist 1 says, "We are going to kill 14k people and a donkey."
The Bartender asks, "Why a donkey?"
Then Terrorist 2 says, "See, I told you no one would care about the 14k people."
How do you get a depressed kid out of a tree? You cut the rope.
According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form consists of only four lines:
1. What was your income for the year?
2. What were your expenses?
3. How much have you left?
4. Send it in.
Your teeth are so yellow, you spit butter!
What do you call a fart in a gay bar?
A mating call.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have five fingers and the middle one's for you.
A police officer came up to me and said, "Just why, why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight?"
What do you call a cripple convention? A salad.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
A Juan on Juan.
Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff?
Neither did I until I found his Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment.