You jokes
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?
Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.
What do you call an orphan when there 18?
Homeless.
What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?
Transparent.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
A "glad-he-ate-her".
My dream:
What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.
What do you call physically handicapped, homophobic, heterosexual men and women in wheelchairs?
Mixed nuts.
What do you call a blind German? A Nazi (Not-see)!
Your forehead is so huge, you don't have dreams, you have movies. Follow me on Instagram: _zer0x3.
When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering, but you walk toward his gun; "I will finish what you started."
Why can't you tell anyone about space?
Because it's too out of this world!
I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.
“Are you still holding the ladder?”
If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?
You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?
European.
The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below.
Trump: "I think I’ll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy."
Melania: "Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy?"
Ivanka: "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy."
Pilot: "Why don’t you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”
Me and my little brother were playing Call Of Duty. He wasn't doing very good, so I told him so. My brother said to me, "At least I don't have to camp in order to get kills." I then responded with, "I would call you cancer, but at least cancer kills."
What do you call a communist pirate ship?
The USS Arrrrr.
What you breathe in is called oxygen, otherwise known as, "African food".
How do you create the world's quickest human pyramid?
Turn on the gas chamber.