You jokes

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Well, it depends on how hard you throw them.

If you ever get mad, just hit an orphan.

What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

The American salute starts with your hand facing flat towards the ground on your head.

The British salute starts with your hand against your head just like the American salute.

The French salute starts with your hands in the air.

The Saudi salute starts with you being bent over with a camel tongue in your ass.

What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?

A "glad-he-ate-her".

Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"

Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"

The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"

Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."

The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."

What do you call a cow with no toes?

Lac-toes intolerant.

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss!

What do you call a man with no body and no nose?

Nobody nose.

Did you hear of the guy who was sad about being in a wheelchair? He had that crippling depression.

Just because she weighed as much as two women... Doesn't mean you had a threesome.

What do you call a kid having a seizure on a dance floor? An improvement.

What do you call a cross between a gorilla and a monkey? -- A cross.

What do you call a fat Chinese man?

A double chinkey.

Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.

One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".

The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."

What do you call an autistic person with a driver's license?

A LETHAL WEAPON!

A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."

JFK: Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head.

Did you know that Iceland is only one sea away from Ireland?

What do you call a school shooting survivor who grows up to be a prostitute on the West Coast?

A Sandy Hooker