You jokes
Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?
A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.
What do you call a dog that tells time?
A watchdog.
What time is it when you walk into a wall? Time to get to bed!
1 minute silence for those who still think thoughts can't kill you.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "I know you wanna." Jack undressed, and she pulled up her dress so they could have some fun. But stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
Pretty much
Have you heard about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
Teacher: "If you don't understand, ask your parents at home."
Orphan: "I don't have neither of those :c"
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You make them clap until they go home.
So you're in a hospital, you barely survive your suicide attempt. You see one of the scalpels, you finish the job.
You know what flowers and depressed people have in common?
Both end up getting cut.
You know Bofa? Bofa deez nuts.
When you're a terrorist and you have a stutter.
A a a a a a a a ala ala ala ala ala alaog alaogbar.
What do you call a grown up with your sister? Your best friend.
"I will Always Love You!"
Are you electricity? 'Cause I wanna get a bath with you ;)
My girlfriend is like treasure to me.
You need a shovel to find her.
What do you do when an orphan takes a family photo?
A selfie.
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."
Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night."
Kid 1: "As if."
Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."
Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."
Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."
What’s the best part about having sex with a pregnant woman?
You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.
Sketchy dude: If you push this button you get 100 million dollars but 100 million people would die.
Me: If I push it more than once do I get more money?
Sketchy dude: Yes, but more people die.
Me: *rapidly pushes button* This is how you solve world hunger.
Sketchy dude: ... wtf, you're insane.
Me: ...