You jokes

There are two doors leading to Heaven: one for henpecked husbands and one for unhenpecked husbands. The line to the door leading to Heaven for henpecked husbands was five abreast and five miles long. The line leading to the door to Heaven for unhenpecked husbands consisted of only one lonely man.

The guys from the henpecked husband line looked at the one man in the unhenpecked husband line and shout, “Hey, Charlie, why are you standing over there for?” Charlie glances over his shoulder and observes a sea of humanity of henpecked husbands as far as the eye can see and says grudgingly, “I don’t know. My wife told me to stand here.”

Me: Doctor, can I get a new butt? My old one has a crack in it.

Doctor: I told you a billion times already. Everyone's butt has a crack in it.

Me: How do you know that?

Perfect dinner joke.

Did you hear about the new movie, "Constipated?"

It hasn’t come out yet.

If your dad said, "Take out the trash," he means to take you out.

"Where are you? [Because you] make me wanna throw up every time I see you."

This is nothing to do with 9/11, but this is my best joke.

What do you call a Paki in a microwave?

Pting pting pting.

Son: Mom, can I get $100 for a week?

Mom: Why do you need $100 for a week?

Son: I'm going on a date, and I need $100 for a week, please.

Mom: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Go on your date now. You got $1, so go.

Son: And you got $0.00.

Gwen just wanted to let you know you suck like a lot, you are a loser. 🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣😬😬😬😬😏😏😏😏

Have you seen the inside of Helen Keller's houses? She hasn't.

So my sis thinks she's so smart. She said, "You can finish this move ten minutes later. Go to sleep."

GF: Laying down.

BF: GROANING

GF: Are you good at aiming and shooting?

BF: Yeah, why?

GF: Shoot that did in there.

BF: Mmmhuugh

Son: I love you, Dad.

Dad gets in car and drives away.

The best part of you ran down your mother's leg... Einstein got ready to climax while doing math but realized you can't cumtilyain cumtilion. It's after sucktillion fucktillion.

What do you call a shitty movie? One that fucking sucks and shits.

Bro, if you have anorexia, you have no skin at all.

What did the SS say when A.H. was running out of ideas?

"You Wannsee my 'final solution'?"

I was at the store during a storm one time. I guess you could say it was story.

What do you call a place where people die?

Rosshall Academy.

Hungry: Dad, I'm hungry.

Dad: Hi, Hungry, I'm Dad.

Hungry: Why did you name me like this? :/

How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?

Pick him up and sick his dick.