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You Jokes
What do you get when you cross a rooster with a small dog?
Did you know that Helen Keller had a twin?
Yeah, Helen ate her in the womb.
Your face was so ugly, you got adopted by a poop!
I call my sister a "fat cow," and she asks me, "Want to hear a joke?" I say, "Sure." She says, "You are the joke!"
A girl invites her friends to come to her birthday party, and at the party, one of her friends poops their pants.
When Sally finds out, she yells, “I never should have invited you to my party! You are a party pooper!”
People love you.
Don't die.
What's the difference between a fish and a guitar?
You can tuna guitar, but you can't tuna fish!
Can I get a glass of water? I will give you anything you ask.
Really, then give me a pond of water.
What do you call a bad bull?
A bully.
What do you call a dog with no tail?
A tail-less dog.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call an Italian with an anesthetic?
Ruberto
Did you hear about how that deaf man got a ticket?
It's ok, he didn't either!
How do you cook macaroni? With a shark-spoon-a-rooni!
What did the American say to the Russian?
"Why are you always Russian?"
If Stephen Hawking had a heart attack, do you take him to PC World or A&E?
Knock knock. Who's there? Ieatmop. I eat mop who? Eww, you eat your poo?
DON’T READ THIS IF YOU HAVE NOT PLAYED SETTLERS OF CATAN!
“Wheat is going on?” I asked my godmother. She replied “Godson, I really don’t know, but could you please get me some m-ore Shloer?”
“Ok, I’ll sheep if there’s any in the fridge!”
What do you call a school bus driver that keeps going to sleep? A monster.