You jokes
You know what would be the best last thing to say before you die? "No, you certainly can't." JFK's assassin certainly can!
A teacher walked up to me and said, "How did we get butt cracks?"
I was like 4, so I said, "You had an earthquake on your booty."
Bootylicious lol
My wife said, "Why oh why have you ordered carpet, our house is lovely?"
Thankfully the carpet was put to good use in the end, no more stupid comments coming from a rolled up Emily in the bottom of the ocean!
Don't you find it ironic that Kobe Bryant bounced his helicopter off the ground like a basketball?
Why does Africa have no pharmacies? Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.
Memes
An orphan goes to a family restaurant with her doll.
"I'm sorry but you can't be here," said the man. "This is a family restaurant." The orphan said, "This is my family," then pointed to her doll.
Roses are red, violets are blue, it's really no wonder your mama left you!
What do you call an unemployed Rastafarian?
Jah Bless.
Friend, you're bold and fat.
Me: Bro, go to the bathroom and look at the mirror. You will probably break it.
A man was almost about to drown. A boat said, "Do you need help?" And he said no.
After the boat left, another boat came to the sea, and they asked if he needed help, and he said no.
And he asked God, "Why didn't you help me?"
God said, "I sent you two big boats, you dummy!"
My mom told me to clean the sink, but I couldn’t find you.
Have you ever seen that weird ad that pops up at the bottom: sexy Russian babes looking for men older than 30, and they're 18, so is it a reverse pedo? Oh well.
What do you call an orphan village?
An orphanage.
Sorry.
Why are you sorry?
Sorry for putting deez nuts in your mouth.
What did the feather say to his wife?
You light my day.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
America is filled with MAYO MONKEYS (you could make a mayo sandwich!).
What do you call a hungry person?
African.
Like if you are emo.
You're so skinny you use floss to wipe your butt.