You jokes
Is it just me or is your personality fake as well? Can't tell because everything about you is.
I have a heart, alright. I just happen to see a mere hollow shell of one coming from you.
Who is the Hamburglar's perverted cousin?
The Turdburglar.
You really do not want to see the mess these two make of the washrooms in a fast food joint.
"Where did you learn to do bookkeeping?"
"Yale."
"And what was your name again?"
"Yackson."
What do you get from a co-worker with epilepsy for being accused of harassment? A "seize" and desist letter.
What do you do in India when you need to tell the time but don't have the money for a watch?
You bob your head from side to side like a metronome.
What do you call a talentless Korean person? Us Lee Less!
Are those tears real or are they like you? Fake.
I think someone left trash at the doorstep. Oh, wait, it's your parents dropping you off at the kid's store.
Your family is so messed up that they shared one brain cell to have you even exist.
Why should you shoot a homeless crackhead in the head?
Because they're basically zombies.
When recycling toilet paper, you really need to process the crap out of it.
Conversely, you can recycle a condom quite easily: just turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it.
Why would you make jokes about birth control?
It's a great labour-saving invention.
What is written on the gravestone of a TV reporter?
"You must be back at 8:00 p.m."
How can you never find a hippo hiding behind a weed?
Because they're so good at it.
A guard at a baseball stadium let in the pheasant, the chicken, and the duck. But he didn't let in the turkey. Why? Because four strikes and you are out!
Are you a Muslim, because you're the bomb?
Yo mama's so—oh wait, you don't have one.
What do atoms and parents have in common to orphans? You can't see either of them.
What do you call it when a tranny commits suicide?
A good start.