You jokes

A manager asked a black employee to work overtime. The employee initially agreed until he was told it would be without pay.

The employee responded with, "You know what happened last time my family worked for free?"

"What happened?" said the manager.

"A civil war."

When we take a family photo, you are the background.

Women should be seen and not heard.

But how would you control that if she was screaming "NO!!!" in the bedroom?

Your mom is the biggest tosser on the planet, yeah, you heard right.

I don't have to strain myself a blood vessel and be wankin' solo anymore; she saved me a whole load of arthritis.

Explain Bear, I want to kiss you.

What goes up but never comes down? Your age. You have probably heard this joke before.

What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?

"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."

I had a steering wheel down my pants, and I tell you what, it was driving my balls crazy!

You're so ugly that when One Direction saw you, they went the OTHER direction!

What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say when you leave?

"Thanks for coming. Hope you come again soon."

What do you call a Mexican with an m3?

A greaser.

What do you say when you hear someone tripping over at night?

Goddammit, Jamal!

What did the shell say to the shell?

"Shell you later."

Once at school, a teacher thought I was Russian. Why do you think that? I said. The teacher replied, because you're reading from Right to Left.

What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.

My guy: I have a Q-Tip.

Me: You can Q my tip.

My guy: Ayo!

Guy with no arms: Even if I don’t have arms, I can do everything you can do.

🎵if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands🎵

Spell "Peppa." Okay. P. E. P. P. A. Hahaha! You said peepee.

I tried this with my sister Makenna because she loves Peppa Pig and has a backpack of it. So I told her to spell her backpack's letters and tricked her... And she is only four years old and my secret is I am only eight years old.

I wish you were a soap, because I want you all over me.

I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.