You jokes

I knew you played football because your hairline is receding.

Orphan: Can I come over?

Girl: Yeah, but you have to bring your parents.

When creating the world, Jesus made the water salty. A person comes up to the water, drinks it, and says: "Why are you so salty?"

How do you get rid of a fat ghost? You exercise it.

You're so poor. You're just PO, you can't even afford the other O and R.

Are you a builder? Because you are giving me an erection.

What does it mean when there is a man in your bed, gasping for breath and saying your name?

It just means that you didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

My science teacher was talking about natural selection.

At one point, she asked me to name the first person to theorize about it. I said, "Eric Harris." It was on his shirt.

If you don't get the joke, look up "Eric Harris natural selection."

What do you call a shedding Panera Bread?

Panera Shed.

You know what I told my little brother plane?

I just got my COVID vaccine, and this lady said, "You have no idea what you put in your body." I said, "Yet you are eating chorizo."

I thought of you today, and it reminded me to take out the trash.

My guy: I have a Q-Tip.

Me: You can Q my tip.

My guy: Ayo!

Guy with no arms: Even if I don’t have arms, I can do everything you can do.

🎵if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands🎵

Spell "Peppa." Okay. P. E. P. P. A. Hahaha! You said peepee.

I tried this with my sister Makenna because she loves Peppa Pig and has a backpack of it. So I told her to spell her backpack's letters and tricked her... And she is only four years old and my secret is I am only eight years old.

Putin: You came from the West and showered me with gifts.

Trump: And your prostitutes, they showered me with piss.

Your mom is the biggest tosser on the planet, yeah, you heard right.

I don't have to strain myself a blood vessel and be wankin' solo anymore; she saved me a whole load of arthritis.

Women should be seen and not heard.

But how would you control that if she was screaming "NO!!!" in the bedroom?

The best news about a pretty girl with special needs is that you can get her to do exactly what you want her to do.

I mean, she probably thinks receiving oral is like 100% blood sausage coming right at her.

You look like a heroin addict in a women's refuge.