You jokes
What goes up but never comes down? Your age. You have probably heard this joke before.
Do you ever look at someone and think, "You must have been conceived at a family reunion"?
When we take a family photo, you are the background.
I said, "Are you half left or half right?"
"Neither! In-between."
"What?! In between your mom's tits when you go to sleep with her at night?"
Women should be seen and not heard.
But how would you control that if she was screaming "NO!!!" in the bedroom?
Your mom is the biggest tosser on the planet, yeah, you heard right.
I don't have to strain myself a blood vessel and be wankin' solo anymore; she saved me a whole load of arthritis.
Putin: You came from the West and showered me with gifts.
Trump: And your prostitutes, they showered me with piss.
In Rocket League, you don't care who wins game MVP as long as it's not somebody on the other team.
When someone asks you why you went bald, say it wasn't a choice. It just happened.
Lenin was on his deathbed, with Stalin sitting by his side.
Lenin says: "What are you going to do after I die? They might not follow you."
Stalin responds: "Then they'll follow you."
What do you call a singer who can't make a song?
Taylor Swift.
I pulled my kid out of school after a woke teacher taught my six-year-old about pronouns! Yesterday, it was "he/she," today, "they/it," tomorrow, "I/you/we!"
What do you call a person with nobody and no nose?
If you guys wanted to see a joke, just look in the mirror.
Your momma is so slutty, they hired her as a condom tester.
When you were late to school and your teacher called you tardy, she meant that in more ways than one.
You know the saying, "Third time's the charm?"
Well, Germany lost twice.
What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?
"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."
Your forehead is so big, it gets home 50 min before you do.
What do you call a fat motivational speaker?
Four chin teller.