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You jokes

— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?

— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.

What happens when you hear about Mary Brittain beating a Thomas?

You cook spaghetti with his blood!

What do you call a man who likes rape jokes?

A fucking disgusting scumbag with no intelligence whatsoever. If you actually joke about this, you are the reason humanity has faded.

Your hairline is so bad, when you look in the mirror, your hairline looks like an endangered species.

A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.

The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."

Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.

Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.

After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.

Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"

The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."

There was a new kid in my school. The first thing the teacher said was, "Me, you, the basement NOW!"

When you go to the priest's basement, you will always find the pope's body and his children in the corner of the room.

I'm in jail for 5 minutes and I already got fucked 15 times. You don't have any idea how much I hate playing Monopoly with my dad.

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