You jokes
Lil’ Johnny be dead, you fools!
So, I text my girlfriend and told her I wanted to get inside her. Can you believe she replied: "Not again brother, I'm only 8."
What would you name a detective if he didn't already have a name?
Cassie.
Get it?
How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?
Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.
Hey you, the person who's scrolling, I know you might have depression and some feel they can't talk to anyone about it, so in the comments please, if you need to talk to others, if you comment about it and say you need to talk to someone, I promise you that I will talk to you. You are not alone, and even though it seems it won't change and get better, it will, I promise.
Please no harsh comments toward each other.
You: Find a time clock that can change time.
Your friend the next day: Hey, can I borrow yo' house?
You: No, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME!
Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again.
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!
Q: I'm a famous athlete and I've got a lot of fans.
A: Is that why I never see you sweat?
What do you call me?
Chinese?
My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana again?
What would you name a mummified squirrel?
Perhaps... Mumford?
You have a six-minute timer to live, but when you breathe, it resets.
Son: Mom, can I get $100 for a week?
Mom: Why do you need $100 for a week?
Son: I'm going on a date, and I need $100 for a week, please.
Mom: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Go on your date now. You got $1, so go.
Son: And you got $0.00.
Dad: Come on, David, go dress up like a girl.
David: Isn't that illegal?
Dad: Nah, it isn't illegal if you keep the buttons in.
David: I hate my life.
How do you create the world's quickest human pyramid?
Turn on the gas chamber.
Teacher: "Okay, so how are you going?"
Student: "I'm not going."
Teacher: "Oh, so you're a wheelchair person?"
What do you call a calf that is in no way brave?
A coward.
What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?
"I'm totally dogging it today..."
Why does no one look up at Steven Hawking?
You have to look down to see him.