Q) What do you call Iron Man when he can't swim?
A) Robert Drowney Jr.
You Jokes
You know what pun is used for "waist?"
Nothing. You'll find nothing.
It's just a waste of time.
I will never forget my grandfather's last words: “The fuck you doing with that knife?”
Say "ocean" 5 times and you say "oh shit!"
Bully: Agh, you're ugly!
Me: Said your mom when you were born.
Biden: Shut up, Trump, disrespectful!
President: You are the one with the inappropriate hair touching, bro. 😎😎😎😎😎😎
Biden: -laughs hard because sloppy Joe can't do anything.
When my mom said you have to listen to classical music at my new school, I had to listen to it twenty-four seven. After that, I sang the song [with] the wrong melody for my music teacher 😎
You will never have a girlfriend.
Words can’t describe how beautiful you are.
But numbers can. (Lol)
You know, being a bitch is hard... but I found the person who's up for the challenge... you.
What did the rope say to me?
"Hey there man, you wanna hang later?"
A teacher asked his students a math question.
"You have one dollar. Your parents give you five dollars. How much money do you have?"
After some thinking, about half the class raised their hands. The teacher called on a little girl in the front.
"One dollar!" she said.
Me: Shut up! If you don't shut up, I'm gonna tell your parents!
You: Why? I don't have any.
When you want to see and smell your ex for the last time, look at a ugly dog, and smell the garbage.
There were 25 cows, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
(Ten, if you count in base 13!)
God- make a grumpy old man president.
Angel- why?
G- cause I said so-name him Trump.
A- okay.
G- make him not pay taxes.
A- okay...
Fast forward to 2020
G- you know that grumpy old man?
A- yea...
G- make him create a deadly virus named after a beer.
A- Krona.
G- exactly.
A- why do you hate humans so much?
G- because I can.
Orange you glad to see me?
Did you hear that Michael Jackson changed his name from Michael Smith? Well, at least he's honest.
What happens to a baby when you let it run loose? It can't cause it can't run yet.
You get a deep voice, you shit talk to 5 year olds.
