You jokes
Teacher: What does a cow say?
Susie: Moo.
Teacher: Good. Now what does a duck say?
Jimmy: The duck goes quack.
Teacher: Now what does a pig say?
Little Jonny: A pig says, "Get up against the wall, you black motherfucker!"
A girl walked into a job interview. The interviewer said, "You are what we are looking for, but I need to test your skills." He hands her a pen. He said, "Sell me this pen." She puts it between her boobs.
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there? Control Freak. Con… OK, now you say, “Control Freak who?”
What is the best type of girl to fuck?
Homeless girls, because after, you can drop them off anywhere.
"Hey, you! Why are you so serious?"
How do you fit a baby in a glass?
A blender.
How do you get it out?
Explosives!
What do you call one baby in ten trashcans?
Chopped Junior!
What do you call a lost Indian woman? Ms. Singh.
Q: What’s a koala's face song? A: Never gonna give you up BECAUSE it hangs on the tree and the person is the tree?
When you're in the war and you die and say to God, "Where is the gulag?"
You: OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE ALL THE KRAP THEY HAVE BEEN THROUGH!
The other person: Who?
You aka answer: Your Butt cheeks.
Have you seen the movie "Constipated?"
It hasn’t come out yet.
Me: Mom, would you get mad at me for something I didn't do?
Mom: No.
Me: Ok, good. I didn't do my homework.
You know what you could use? An orphan as a punching bag.
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Q: What do you call America in a year? A: A wasteland.
Ok, I put one penny down. Do you smell anything?
1 scent.
I put two pennies down. Do you see any fruit?
2 pears.
I put three pennies down. Do you see any law enforcement?
3 coppers.
I put four pennies down. Do you see any cars?
4 Lincolns.
I put five pennies down. Do you see any pussies?
NOT FOR 5 CENTS YOU DONT!
What do you call a bunch of microcephalics in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
Throw a plate.
It’s broken, right?
Say “sorry” to it.
Did it fix back?
No... that’s the same thing you did to me :)
Did you know that dogs started the street craps game?
If I stepped on a Twix, would you get mad?