You jokes
An American goes on a British bus after being in war. He wants to sit down, so he goes to the back of the bus to sit down, but there is an old woman on the seat with her dog in the next one.
The man says, "Will you move your dog?"
The lady says, "Oh, you Americans are always so demanding," and she says to sit somewhere else. He goes through and finds no seats, so now he's at the back again. This time he throws the dog out the window and sits down.
The man in front says, "You Americans always do things wrong. First, you drive on the wrong side of the road, then hold you knife and fork wrong, and you threw the wrong bitch out the window!"
Dad, am I adopted?
NO! Why would I ever choose you?
Did you hear that Uranus is cracked?
Did you know nine of ten dentists recommend oral sex?
Do you know how a dragon is? You don't know who? It's dragging these 2-liter balls across your pathetic face and slamming it into a f*cking dumpster you regret.
I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."
Q) What do you call Iron Man when he can't swim?
A) Robert Drowney Jr.
You know what pun is used for "waist?"
Nothing. You'll find nothing.
It's just a waste of time.
I will never forget my grandfather's last words: “The fuck you doing with that knife?”
Say "ocean" 5 times and you say "oh shit!"
Bully: Agh, you're ugly!
Me: Said your mom when you were born.
Biden: Shut up, Trump, disrespectful!
President: You are the one with the inappropriate hair touching, bro. 😎😎😎😎😎😎
Biden: -laughs hard because sloppy Joe can't do anything.
When my mom said you have to listen to classical music at my new school, I had to listen to it twenty-four seven. After that, I sang the song [with] the wrong melody for my music teacher 😎
You will never have a girlfriend.
Words can’t describe how beautiful you are.
But numbers can. (Lol)
You know, being a bitch is hard... but I found the person who's up for the challenge... you.
What did the rope say to me?
"Hey there man, you wanna hang later?"
A teacher asked his students a math question.
"You have one dollar. Your parents give you five dollars. How much money do you have?"
After some thinking, about half the class raised their hands. The teacher called on a little girl in the front.
"One dollar!" she said.
Me: Shut up! If you don't shut up, I'm gonna tell your parents!
You: Why? I don't have any.
When you want to see and smell your ex for the last time, look at a ugly dog, and smell the garbage.