Ryan, I laid out more jokes than you have crying about me!
You Jokes
Bob, why are you kicking the kids?
What, it's not like they have a home to go to.
A Priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar.
These two have been great friends for over 20 years...play golf together...and meet every Tuesday at a classy bar for a glass of wine...talk about golf...good wine and spiritual matters. One day while at the bar enjoying a glass of merlot, the Rabbi raises his glass of wine and says to his long time friend.."brother, do you believe Jesus turned water into wine?"...the Priest thinks for a moment and raises his glass of wine and replies..."yes brother, I do believe Jesus turned water into wine...but don't get excited...since Jesus was Jewish, the wine was probably Manischewitz."
How do you turn rape into no rape? Steal her bank details for money transfer.
Helen Keller is the kind of person to ask you what the time is.
What wastes your money as you earn it?
Women.
What do you call German weed?
Mustard Gas.
What do you call a pregnant slave? A two for one deal.
I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!
Family is precious, so you have to keep them away from the sunlight.
How do you get your appeal for rape charges accepted? Say you were expressing your desire for a woman, which is protected under the Constitution in freedom of expression.
You look like the type of guy to wash his/her hands after a shower! (And don't write in the comments that there are more than 2 genders.)
Roses are red, violets are blue, I pray God I'm not so ugly as you.
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are probably built upside down.
Did you know pigeons die after sex?
Well, at least the one I fucked did.
What do you call two transgender midgets having sex?
A microtransaction.
Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn't close the casket.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "I know you wanna." Jack undressed, and she pulled up her dress so they could have some fun. But stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
Why is a ball rolling when you put it on a hill?
Because it is circle.
