You jokes
Girlfriend: Babe, what do you think of our love?
Me: Look at the stars in the sky.
Girlfriend: Aww... it’s infinity, right?
Me: No, it’s a waste of time.
Girlfriend: I’m breaking up with you.
Me: Whatever, when I take out the trash, I think of you.
What did the cupcake tell its frosting?
I’d be muffin without you.
What can you say about planes that you can say about stocks?
They both be flying??
What can you say about that homeless man's life and current status?
Wasted.
What do you give a sick lemon?
A lemon-aid.
Did you hear about the famous pickle?
He was a big dill!
What do you call a fake noodle?
An im-pasta.
What do you call the sky? Up high, high! AHAHAHAHAHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAA
What do you call a flat cabbage?
A leaf pile.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Ground beef.
Hi how are you?
A small boy went up to a dog fountain? The more you. HAHA gorgeous ddollars of benjamin frnakus wghen hes wearing beakini bea at the beach hahaha.
You're so poor, when a robber robs your house, they feel bad for you and just leave.
Why don't you take emo skydiving?
They cut the rope.
Me as a 5-year-old: How do you relate to the Twin Towers?
Friend: What?
Me: Every time I think of them, I feel sad.
Bully: Your mom hates you.
Orphan: I don't have parents ;)
Do you know Joe?
Joe mama, mama, a, a, mama, a, a, amam.
Blitz: "HOLD ON! You better move that pussy wagon right now, or I’m gonna..."
Vortex: "You'll do what?"
Blitz: "Or I'll... uh... uh, I- I'll call HR!"
*Silence, then Verosika/me, Blitz, and Vortex bust into laughter. And then back to seriousness*
Verosika/me: "Anyway, meet my new Hellhound... Vortex. Unlike you, he actually does his job well." *leaves and flips Blitz off* "Ta-ta fuck stain."
Who's an orphan?
You are.
Me: I saw an emo kid that got a haircut today. But instead of saying “Like ya cut g” and slapping the neck, I slapped the wrist and said “Like ya cut’s g.”
Emo kid: He said like your bullet holes, G.
Me: I have no bullet holes.
Emo kid: Not yet, you don't.
Me: Ayo what the fuc*.