You are like a thunderstorm; when you go away, like your dad, everyone is happy.
You Jokes
You call it turds.
I call it the forbidden chocolate.
What do you call an orphan who takes a selfie?
A family portrait!
What do you call a genderless child?
It's not a mister, it's not a misses, I'm more for a mystery.
Do you know why the cake doesn't ever fight anyone?
He says, "Take a peace of that!" while entering a fight.
What do you call a person with no arms and legs?
You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.
What do you call a white kid at the back of the class?
School shooter.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair? A TANK!
What do you call an unemployed Rastafarian?
Jah Bless.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: It doesn’t matter; it won’t come anyway.
What do you call a German man who can't see?
A not see.
Most people are scared of clowns. That's why everyone runs away from you.
I still remember my dad's last words, "You c***! You let the ladder go, you cuuunt!"
Smack! He hit the ground and bled out.
I’ll never forget my Grandfather’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
Do you know the phrase, “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure?” Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.
What plate do you need to eat in a car? A license plate!
A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.
“You can’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will have dialogue.”
What do you call it when Red Sox can't pull out?
Boston cream pie.
