What do you call a 5-year-old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
You Jokes
When the chair was invented, the inventor's friend wanted to know what it did. The inventor replied: "You might want to sit down for this."
What do you say when you see an apple dancing in a talent show?
He's got some "sweet" moves!
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
No Body Knows.
No body nose.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows. No body, nose.
What do you call a cool octopus?
Tenta-cool (tentacle)
Where do you get milk from? The Milky Way, of course!
Guy goes to the doctor. The doctor says, "You look run down." The guy says, "No, I've come on my bike!"
What do you call a cow with no legs?
It's still called a "cow."
What's bright red and screams when you shake it? A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.
“Correct,” says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.
“Correct again,” says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”
What do you do when your baby starts screaming?
Use more lube.
It's said Duracell batteries are supposed to last 75 years, well Stephen, here you are.
What do Stephen Hawking and the Wicked Witch have in common?
If you throw water over them, they both die...
One dollar bill is with a five dollar bill. The five says, "I make more cents than you."
What do you call a person with an "a" in their autism?
What do you call a gay cow? A gay cow.
Kid starts shooting people in school, teacher asks “why are you doing that”. He responds, “I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas”
Kid starts short-coming people in school. Teacher asks, "Why are you doing that?"
He responds, "I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas!"
Hey God, what are you making?
Just a wooden stick that lights on fire.
Sounds like a match made in heaven.