Did you try the digital egg padlock? Because it is very easy to crack the code.
Do you know where time is? Because it keeps flying by.
When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?
By cutting off her fingers.
How do you know that the U.S. sucks at chess?
They lost two towers.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how many you throw.
If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?
Cuddle with you.🙂
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
Are you getting the funnies?
What do you call a nut on a wheelchair?....A busted nut.
Did you hear he died of a virus? A computer virus.
What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?
You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.
What’s the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person
You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message
When Stephen Hawking entered Heaven and met with the Lord, after a short interview God asked: "Hey Stephen, I need you to explain to me how does all this stuff work?"
One cow asks another cow, "Are you afraid of mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why should I be? I'm a helicopter."
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? "Tie won shu."
You know you trip and fall. Here is the funny joke: Did you have a nice trip?
What did one wall say to the other wall?
Meet you at the corner!
